Thank you - this is really insightful. I can access the article and will read - and thanks for the book recs. All of this explication is fascinating and really helpful.

A. You are totally right that my experience is limited.

How are you generalizing?
"Pro-porn feminism is one side a very big conflict within feminism, and one made up disproportionately of queers; for the most part, feminists and queers don't think there's any such thing as a pro-life feminist."

I have never thought of feminism as monolithic, nor have I thought that there was a group that was in control of what feminism is. I know plenty of Catholic pro-life feminists - what makes them feminist is not their pro-life stand, but their belief that we need to change society so that pregnancy is (as much as…

I've heard this claim a lot, about people feeling like there is some paradigm of "good feminism" that other feminists are trying to enforce and I don't totally get it. I don't understand how someone could be "kicked out" of feminism.

Thank you, Yoko.

I have seen this in other countries (including the Netherlands and Argentina) - where the whole bathroom is the shower with a drain in the middle. There is one problem: the toilet paper gets wet. Either you have to just avoid the accidentally spraying the toilet paper when showering or you have to hide it when you…

You probably don't want to hear any more from me, but I wanted to add that I do think we all end up making decisions that feel right to us, personally, but perpetuate shitty systems of racism, homophobia and misogyny.

It isn't just a common decision, it is an anti-feminist decision. It isn't just any group of letters, it is your husband's name, and by taking it, a woman is definitely literally reproducing the structures of patriarchy. I agree with the OP - if you want to change your name, the only way to do it in a way that…

You say it isn't what you meant, but you said - "I'd never force the girl I was getting married to, to change her name but honestly I would be kinda insulted if she didnt. "

Not sure what I misread. You said you'd be "kinda insulted" if she didn't change her name, although you would never "force her to", and that most guys read a non-name change as "not considering the two of you as family". That was what I was responding to, and what you, and according to you "90%" of guys, need to get…

I'm sorry, but by taking your husband's name you are in fact following a patriarchal tradition - perhaps "the" patriarchal tradition. Changing your name to something else, not your husband's, would not have the same connotations, and so taking your husband's name cannot be seen in the same context as other name…

That's awesome. Thanks for sharing. This is also an issue that makes my blood boil; and I think Kate Harding did a great job putting is succinctly. Sure, it is a choice, but it's not a feminist choice. It is, in fact, a choice that quite literally perpetuates patriarchy.

Preach it.

It is gross because it perpetuates a patriarchal system. The argument that it is your father's name is stupid. It is my name, the name I've been known by my whole life. The idea that a woman goes through an identity change when she gets married, (Miss to MRS, changing her last name) but that a man does not go…

You need to get over this shit. For real. That's the whole point of the post. Men need to get over the idea, and the insecurity, that a woman keeping her own name and identity somehow is a slight to them. It isn't up to women to go along with obvious patriarchal bullshit to keep your pride from getting hurt. Also,…

Who thought in 1984 that "Splash" would have such a big impact on future generations? Pretty amazing to see both Madison & Hannah rise ten years later.

Yeah, no, of course. Alcohol isn't the problem. Still, I'd love to see a little bit more blaming the dude, a little less blaming the girl. Do you have a link for the NYmag article?

Thanks. I totally know it wasn't my fault, but find it interesting that so many years later, I could hear a little voice in the back of my head telling me I shouldn't have put myself in the situation by drinking. We internalize all this shit and even though we push back, the narrative never changes.

I really, really wish that we could reframe the discussion about sexual assault from "what should women stop doing" to "what should men stop doing."