I completely agree re: cutting things off with exes. I am close friends with my ex-fiance, and while I would never want to be in a relationship with him again because we aren't fundamentally compatible, I cannot imagine just tossing him out of my life because we decided that being in a romantic partnership wasn't…

It might not make sense to a lot of people, especially because there is such a strong cultural narrative regarding jealously guarding your romantic partners as possessions that should belong to you and you alone... but there's a word used a lot in polyamory called "compersion." Essentially, it describes the happiness…

Heh, "husband-elect." Love it!

Questions for people who have poly relationships like described where you truly love two people: Do you consider one to be your primary relationship? Like, who would you choose as your emergency contact, take to weddings, call first when you get good news, etc?

Hi, heterosexual female who initiated polyamory in my last LTR and have been going full steam ahead when it comes to dating and seeing other people in my current relationship. You do see a fair amount of OPP (one penis policy) relationships, or heterosexual males who want to try nonmonogamy but their heterosexual…

I know a LOT of nonmonogamous/poly people, and I'd say about half of them have children. My boyfriend's ex had a child, and we actually made it work well in that I would offer babysitting so they could go on real dates. It was nice, and I have seen cooperative households raising children fare pretty fantastically. A…

Cheers to you as well. Kids aren't in my forecast for at least another 5-10 years, but I'm of the planning ahead crowd, so thinking about it now is something that will hopefully shape my relationships and life so when I get to that point, I'm not going in blindly. I enjoyed our discourse, thanks for this exchange!

Recognizing fundamental incompatibilities and moving on when necessary is absolutely important to growing as a person and growing in (and out of) relationships. I don't believe I am avoiding tough choices here — for instance, it might be that my partner won't want to be with someone who intends to become pregnant and…

Do you prioritize one over the other?

See, I don't think that's true for everyone. I know it's certainly not for me or my partner. When he was dating me and another woman, both equally serious and committed relationships, I didn't feel like he was "half assing it". He gave me energy and time as I needed it, and when he couldn't, I put the time and energy…

I am new to polyamory and my relationships are all fledling, but yes, I have met dozens upon dozens of long-term polyamorous/nonmonogamous couples. I live in the SF Bay Area, which has a large alternative population altogether, so that probably helps. I know couples in the decades who are polyamorous and successful at…

I was really excited to see this article first thing when I opened Jezebel this morning. I've openly claimed the title polyamorous for about two years, although I don't think monogamy was ever for me. I just didn't realize until a couple of years ago that there was not only terminology for what I'd felt my whole life,…

D: Oh god, that's awful!

I wear makeup every day, too, don't worry! My "minimal" routine is no less than 4-5 products, but I usually wear 10-12 a day. I have a long train commute, which factors into it — lots of time on my hands to apply makeup, so I get a chance to experiment with new products and colours and styles. I sometimes envy women…

Raisins are such a delightfully polarizing food. I'm on the side of GIVE ME ALL THE RAISINS AND RAISIN THINGS! But so many people vehemently hate them.

Very excellent point! Oh man, I love the conversation that has come from this topic. Might just be my favourite post I've ever commented on here at Jezebel.

And that's where it gets confusing and, I feel, shows the flaws in this study. The assumption is either one or the other — not the multiple inbetweens. It doesn't allow for someone to be nonmonogamous and nonpromiscuous, or for someone monogamous to be promiscuous.

There are a couple of really wonderful books that deal with polyamory/nonmonogamy that I would recommend to you and hopefully your husband as well. "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino is geared mostly toward established couples looking to open their relationships. "More Than Two" is kind of the nonmonogamy bible — it was…

I highly suggest reading the book Opening Up... I've known many long-term, established couples with 10-20 year marriages who opened up and found a lot of happiness in it.

I would strongly suggest looking into the polyamory community in your area. There are typical two subsets of poly people — those that are also involved with kink/BDSM and those that are strictly poly. I also value my alone time, as does my partner. We are a little more committed and involved in each other's lives than…