• my dog
  

She’s on that next shit now

TwitterAudit Says 67 Million of Katy Perry’s Followers Are Fake

You must be new here.

Except Lorde is 45.

Seasick. Both.

seacrest.

I was almost positive the final producer was going to ask you out while still giving you a rejection.

You pretending to be impressed by that spoon trick is a real talent

Should have worn the tail and done some kind of interpretive dinosaur dance, Joanna. I find this whole auditioning process way more interesting than the actual shows, which are almost always complete garbage, except for the different versions of Topmodel. About seven or eight years ago, a friend and I considered…

Absolutely. I’m surprised anyone is even assuming or pretending he wrote it. It’s from the @POTUS account and sounds nothing like him. The person who tweeted it has probably already been fired.

Well I Found The Problem: They Don’t Capitalise Every Letter On The Restaurant Menu
Clearly There Was No Way To Read This

I think it covered everything: namely the deck/dick angle.

I feel like a jackass because I answered the promposal by spray painting “Yes” on a black bear. We had a good time, though.

You could realize that it’s obviously not a legitimate question that I’m asking the commentariat who this person is, and rather I’m making an innocuous joke about the relevancy of this individual who feels that he is important enough write a memoir.

And right after that... he decides to step down to spend more time with his family. 

You’re fat