Simplest solution I've found when your head starts getting droopy at your desk or while driving:

I'm kind of glad. I never saw Mr. Ally McBeal as the right voice for WW. It would have lasted about as long as The Cape.

Any article that can somehow fuse the Mets with Tolkien leaves me with at least a half-chub. It's like eating a meatball sandwich in the shower. Arrr.

He didn't return that guy's high-five at home plate — that's 7 years bad luck.

He was an insufferable asshole last night. Well, he always is, but he turned the knob up to 11 last night.

I know, but video equipment is so much smaller now. They couldn't piggyback the cameras?

What's with the Michelle Bachmann angle on the video?

A political family with many powerful/evil friends like the Palins could easily stick/carrot a shlump like Levi by threatening his life, then paying him off handsomely.

Yes! Absolutely! Because this Woman™ may have been walking around in fake pregnant padding because she decided that the narrative of her life wasn't what she wanted to portray to her constituents or the media. That is worthy of us having a conversation. Maybe more than one! Which is all we're doing here, really. Is…

If this is true, doesn't it point to her character and her hypocrisy? I don't want this issue to be the smoking gun when it comes to Palin, but she's stonewalling on so many fronts, we have to gain traction where we can in order to make people see just who it is they are telling Gallup and Rasmussen they want to be…

Yes, Jez should be celebrating women who are just as good as men at engaging in political corruption and public fraud in the name of opportunism. It's so liberating!

Yup, the film really takes place in the Lundergaards' hometown of Brainerd, whereas Fargo is only significant to the story as the place where Jerry went to meet the would-be kidnappers and give them the tan Ciera. Fargo itself was only used for its vast snow-covered roads in exterior scenes.

Y'know, I'm still pissed that Titanic beat out Fargo for Best Picture.

First rule of Trek Club: Don't talk about Trek Club.

This could be dangerous — if I end up loving Helen Mirren any more than I already do, I'd have to turn stalker.

Overachieving celebs who whine about their backbreaking schedules need to shut up and pare down their schedules, and then shut up again.

Well duh. I used to work on 42nd, and on those days when the Prez was at the UN or something, I could beat the bus on foot from Times Square to the east side.

It's how Nick gets more clicks, even with fewer viewers. It makes the stats look better to advertisers. Clever, eh? Sigh.

Trump, Sheen, Beck, O'Reilly, Lohan, Hilton, Love, Jersey Shore, Hills, Real Housewives... the streets of Dumbass are too crowded with anglers tonight.