His party is turning on him

Stealing this. Come and get me, Jesus.

"TakeOFF, ya hoser!"
"You're not helping, Bob and Doug."

Yeah! THANKS, OBAMA.

I had never heard of Brian Sims before…whooooo!

yes sir very good sir it won't happen again sir [slinks away]

Thank you. Full disclosure: I have a pair of Crocs. I've worn them twice, while tubing on the Delaware River, where they actually made sense. If I'm ever seen wearing them in any other context, you have my permission to put me out of my misery and grind me into fertilizer.

It's not racism if it's true! Didn't you get the memo?

I HAVE a job, thank you very much. And sandal days are my most productive days, because those are the days when no one talks to me, and I can get some fucking work done. Probably because no one wants to risk catching a sidelong glimpse of my gnarly, 53-year-old toenails.

From my cold, dead…insteps. Or something.

Well then, that's that sorted.

Let me call my folks and I'll get right back to you.

I'm struggling with this one: in what world is "The Jews have all the money" not offensive?

I prefer "bro-gressive," but this works too.

Ahem, I've had a couple of pedi's in my time, because I like wearing sandals in the summer and I want my toes to look not-gross. IS THAT SO WRONG?

Indeed — the puns are literally coursing through his veins. Wonder what he does for an entrée?

That recommendation is right up there with "You gotta try this new vegan restaurant: a 5-year-old runs around screaming throughout your meal, and then a baby shits on your table! It's experiential dining at its edgiest!"

1) It's "vaykay," you dumbass, not "vaca," unless you were on a Spanish-speaking cow for some reason.
2) Beyond that, I have no strong feelings about this. "Smug, entitled prick acts like smug, entitled prick" just doesn't pack a big punch in terms of News I Can Use.

OK, but only after bingo. Housie-housie comes before bouncy-bouncy.

Yes! I just found out today that they're showing it at Symphony Space here in NYC. Really looking forward to it.