He got this kinda backward: If I ever missed work because I got injured lifting a jet ski, I would definitely claim it was a cocaine suspension.

This is technically the third prank. The second was convincing him that playing for the Padres is "getting called up to the big leagues."

JESUS H. CHRIST

A good general rule is, if you call your watch a chronograph, you're probably an asshole.

"Coaches having to suffer through the embarrassment of wearing a knockoff watch puts going to bed hungry in perspective, doesn't it?" - Mark Emmert

Are you being sarcastic? You're definitely being sarcastic, right?

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS FUCKING THUMB

Just thinking about you figuratively walking away from the TV is mind blowing.

na, japan was holding on for dear life. they were just physically outmatched. ivory coast had plenty of chances and japan was giving it away way too much. it was only a matter of time before the dam broke.

I thought the Ivory Coast had been in control for a while before Drogba, the difference was suddenly their shots were on target. Drogba somehow made his teammates better finishers.

"Have your moment in the sun"?? Are you serious? It's called "the rest of the fucking planet" that likes this damn game. Your 'moment in the sun' is occurring somewhere all the time, all year long. Any place where there are poor people and a patch of open ground, in fact. And where ties and bad acting are loved. …

"The odd thing about this series, where L.A. finds itself up 3-0, is that it's never felt particularly dominant. " http://deadspin.com/for-20-minutes… MIXED MESSAGES!!!

You forgot the most important one, Samer. Where the hell is his life jacket?

Latin players, in particular, often respond with childlike wonderment to things they've never seen before. Like Yasiel Puig with snow. Or Pablo Sandoval with a salad.

Is he building a snow penis? If not, why isn't he building a snow penis?

Holy cow! Yes! He's looking into the camera with a shocked face or something! That's so goofy!

Well he did K 9.