You both just shut your dirty whore mouths right there.

I love how the nutrition facts suggests something like 2 Thin Mints as one serving. Don't they mean one sleeve of cookies 'cuz that's how I roll?

I would prefer yogurt to white chocolate any day of the week because white chocolate is the goddamn devil.

"Sign me right the fuck up. Not only are oatmeal-raisin cookies delicious while lulling you into a false comfort that you're eating something healthy (haters to the left), but yogurt chunks make anything better. I am ashamed to admit that when I had a hamster, I would sometimes eat her yogurt chunks because they were…

Yeah, I was about to say that llamas are kind of ornery, but I wouldn't consider them any more "wild" than a donkey.

That sounds almost like an Archer joke. "Yes, I was cheating with your sister - your twin sister, which means I obviously still find you very attractive."

History of Magic because I love history. Goblin wars? Yeah Binns sounds boring but I think I'd still enjoy it. Also, I just need to leave this here:

'"GIRL THESE HIGHLIGHTS, JUST NO."'

I am crying.

-Evil villain handwringing and maniacal laughter.- Today delias, tomorrow [Insert Pointless Tween Shopping Spot Here.]

Gotta keep that line pasty and judgy as possible...

Fuck everything.

it's beginning.

Well there damn sure will be now. Holy shit, thank you.

FUCK EVERYTHING

Every time a man puts a my little pony in a jar and jizzes into that jar for months, an angel catches on fire and dies.

Me: Stories about penises? Click on that!