There’s literally nothing more racist than accusing a white Republican man of racism.

And if she’d been alive in the 1720s, she would have sat there nodding her head while reading “A Modest Proposal”.

OK, so USA payment technology in 2019 = Canada in 1994. Got it!

“In the last 100 years, Presidents who haven’t been Veeps have all been Governors or Senators.”

Exactly. If I can’t get reparations for that one time when I was a kid and I got grounded even though I didn’t do anything, then African Americans should get nothing for generations of slavery.

Man, I would vote for Jimmy Carter in a heartbeat. He was way too good a president for America to appreciate.

“If my sexual orientation was to have sex with all of the men in there and I had sex with all of the women in there and then they brought their children and I had sex with all of them and then brought their dogs in and I had sex with them, should I be protected for my sexual orientation?”

۴۰ سال فساد. ۴۰ سال سرکوب. ۴۰ سال ترور. رژیم ایران فقط موجب #چهل_سال_شکست شده است. مردم ایران که مدتهاست در رنجند شایسته آینده روشن تری هستند

Most peculiar, mama!

And if it’s a reader that accepts tap, you can use Apple Pay.

I can’t even do that much math when I’m sober.

You type the tip into the machine, or you choose the percentage you wish to leave and the machine does the math for you.

I know, right? I was a little lost for a second there when the author of this article mentioned writing the tip amount near the signature line. I was like, what? What signature line? Then I was like, Oh yeah I remember those from back in the 90s or something.

See? Somebody knows somebody who knows somebody...

You don’t think The Commander in Cheetoh “knows some people who know some people”?

Evil people don’t think they’re evil. They usually see themselves as victims.

I mean, if I was teased because my last name was Gambino and then it was discovered that I hung with The Gambino family, the teasing might ease up.

I really want to mock him, but, I just can’t find an angle that would mock him better than he already does himself.

I can completely hear that quote in her voice. Seems in character for her.