You obviously don’t understand. Death at the hands of an undocumented immigrant is so much worse. Why, in contrast, it’s almost soothing to be killed by a red-blooded American!

I mean, it’s sad that he doesn’t have a father who cares about him, but he’s kind of lucky that Donald Trump leaves him alone.

Rather than causing a big disruption in N.Y.C., I will be working out of my home in Bedminster, N.J. this weekend. Also saves country money!

Mobile bowling alley?

And I think I agree with you. America has had shitty, self-serving foreign policy since forever. And “American Values” is some weak shit as well.

Do you love me now, Daddy?

Votez Fromagiste!

“Look, I used to have a good relationship with John Dickerson, but he was very unfair to me recently, so for his own safety, he has been incarcerated in a very secure facility, and it’s just very much safer now for me, personally, and you can take that any way you want to.”

Maybe throw them at Ivanka next time she makes a public appearance.

Nothing but logic and facts! Trumpy has declared the Wall on Drugs and you can’t stop him with your words that make sense.

First they came for the weak-chinned, and I said nothing because I was medium-chinned.

Stop trying to make me cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. Fuck!

Hey, thanks for writing all this. It was extremely informative. I’ll confess that I had never given much thought to Slovenia before. I used to know some people from Croatia and Bosnia, but that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge of the former Yugoslav republics. Thanks to you, I’ll add Slovenia to the list of…

I always see this. Same combination of confidence and intelligence.

How long until the sextape from this night will be released? That has to be the reason Trump invited this particular assortment of humans to visit him.

Stop! Where do I send my money? I must have one of these Tesla-lifting juicebox squeezers!

Thank you! Americans need to get past this mentality where it’s okay for the US army to bomb/assassinate anyone anywhere in the world whenever the mood strikes them. It’s not okay for any country to do that unilaterally.

But only the North Poles. Krakow should be safe. Unless that’s in Iraq...

Under no threat of of legal action, I hear by herby hearby hereby apologize if I every implied that Melania Trump has “had work done”, that she “speaks with an accent” or that she is being “held hostage in Trump Tower”.

And Alec Baldwin wants to be mayor of NYC This should be good.