Let's be clear: I loved the first 3 books, but the last two books are what started me down the road to swearing off King entirely. The ending is such an inept mess that I could never ignore King's faults after that point. Sometimes it's best to remember things the way you experienced them when you were young enough…

I would opt for the minions to form an unlikely alliance with Roland and shove Arcel out in front of a van in Maine with the two dogs in the back.

When something with that much potential produces that much "meh," it's a dud.

The Waste Lands
Wolves of the Calla
The Drawing of the Three
The Gunslinger
Wizard and Glass
The Dark Tower
Song of Susannah

Good point. Let me put in the spoiler checks.

Yeah, exactly this. When I first found out that King had finished the series and named the last book The Dark Tower, I imagined that the majority of the book was going to be taking place in the dark tower, with all kinds of world flipping and who knows what going on. Meanwhile, our beloved characters would be…

Foxx just looked uncomfortable through that whole movie, IMO.

Better than Jamie Foxx in Django Unchained.

The last book had moving parts, but unfortunately they failed to come together into a single cohesive story. More like a bunch of disjointed setpieces. I was appalled at how bad the story fell apart after Wolves of the Calla.

An explanation of The Dark Tower series:

Cue the Spielberg music swell aaaaaaaand…reveal!

Seriously? My brain is barfing just reading that.

"OK then how about The Man With A Mustache and Goatee."

With Meg Ryan as Tick-Tock Man!

I heard they're giving that part to Seth Rogen.

Yet they had to bloat The Hobbit into three movies. I don't understand how Hollywood thinks anymore.

Roland and Jake are not the same person. Neither are Roland and Stephen King, if I remember correctly. Jake is Roland's "spiritual son," but they are not actually related by blood.

After swearing of all things King (in no small part due to the abysmal ending to The Dark Tower series), I am glad that the reviews of this movie leave me with no desire to renounce my vow and watch it.

It's a good thing that I hated the ending to The Dark Tower series, because it saves me the temptation of going to see the movie version.

Man, oh, man, Dark Tower is going to suuuuuuck. Considering how much I hated the ending to the series, though, that's actually a relief: I won't be tempted to watch this.