See you at the Doofus Olympics.

Somewhere, an engraver is patiently waiting for the date so he can finally finish this guy's Darwin Award.

Will I get seven credit cards in return?

Best religious song ever: Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through the Goalposts of Life)

He's the pull-out king!

I thought he was in that jewel thief movie. Or was that John Malkovich?

That seems like an accurate assessment, but not for the reasons you think.

Mostly, but every so often I'll give some love to my main squeeze Dwight D. Eisenhower.

I don't think so, Tim.

But what about the Geneva Conventions?!?

You know, I do the same thing on right-wing sites, but I don't call it independent thought. I call it what it is: taking a piss.

You know, I've been harangued by my coworkers before, and I gotta say: it did sorta feel like being torn out of my house by soldiers, deprived of all human rights, stuffed on a cattle car, shipped off to a work camp, starved, beaten, and gassed in a shower.

Suck it, Winston Churchill.

The regular side one, or the side one that somehow includes Kashmir?

On the other hand, there are songs that will just kill the mood immediately. For this, I always throw on wedding reception staple "Strokin'" by Clarence Carter.

Tricky's Maxinquaye while having sex on acid. Very hot.

This is more or less what I expected. I might watch this by accident, but I'm not going to spend my time pursuing this one on purpose. Do we make films anymore that aren't adaptations or sequels?

That came to mind as well.

I love going to the movies alone! Besides, why do you need other people around to watch a movie in a theater?

He loves America so much he'll take it out from other people by eminent domain and share it with Russia. Whatta guy!