'Sad fat fact'. That made me spill my coffee.

Look out, Fat Kilmer… There's a new fatso in town, and he wants your place at the buffet.

Well, vone thing for sure. Zee person who drives that car vould have an enormous schwanzstucker… Or perhaps a very schmall one.

How do you argue with stupid? Well, I'm starting a rumor down in Texas that the gay homosexual Democrats have infected all the voting booths with Elboa and Zika, so maybe that will have some traction come November. Remember, you heard it here first!

Reading this review makes me think 'D' or even 'F+' might have been a better grade…

Nice! I hear a banjo mournfully strumming in the background…

Last year I was bored and read an interview / profile with Depp in Men's Journal (or something similar) while waiting to get my hair cut… What struck me, was that he was name-dropping ("My good friend Marlon Brando once said to me," etc. etc.) and in the photos he was posing with an acoustic guitar while making very…

'Fat guy in a little coat' was my first thought as well… Same cadence, same idea… And yes, the 50,000 years ago (or whatever) bit was lazy, lazy, lazy… It came complete with a Wayne's World ripoff of a single 'foreign or unknown word' translated for the audience into an absurdly long statement.

Try reading a biography of Mozart or two… He possibly worked harder and 'slaved' more than any other composer to achieve that sense of effortlessness, which know-nothings assume came at a whim. Natural talent - in epic amounts, yes - but also one of the most tireless and relentless people ever… Just sayin'

I find it weird how the modern tradition of post-mortem 'tribute' performances includes the performer dressing up in the most obvious style accessories of the artist in question. It makes me wonder if the tribute performances after my death will include 8th grade jazz band members dressed in light blue polyester…

Yup, Debussy it was…

I'd also like to see a complete ban on all 'Bond has gone rogue' plot-lines and tropes like 'the real evil mastermind is the obvious squirrelly guy at the top of such-and-such government agency'… Seriously, if they do this lazy stuff again, so help me…

The Nostalgia Critic's obliteration of the Adam Sandler trash heap that was Pixels was pretty funny, and definitely insightful…

Are you suggesting that people that post ugly comments are up at 3:00 am eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes and typing by the dim-light of their failed lives, because I could believe that.

What I've noticed: Actors get incredible praise for being in a good film - and yet when their film fails, it is apparently everybody else's fault ("troubled production"; "bad script"; etc.).

Having worked as a marketing / product consultant for web companies during the dot com boom (when money was cheap and savvy managers were rare) I would agree that the problems were obvious after about 20 minutes, and generally they could be reduced to one statement:

Subtext: Budweiser is losing market share as millions of people turn towards beers that aren't made in a giant vat of corporate lies.

Ron Howard and Dan Brown truly deserve one another.

Seeso, huh? Well, the one thing the US needs right now is another subscription-based media platform…! And giving it a 'comedy' niche - just like Funny or Die, remember that? - to further reduce its cross-market appeal against behemoths like Amazon and Neftlix is clearly smart, and based on skills that were probably…

I also interpreted that 'lamentation' as frustration over the idiotic fictionalization of police work that Dirty Harry sold to movie goers. It also tried to tell the audience that following the law and respecting the process enabled criminals… I love the Dirty Harry flicks, but if you watch them without perspective…