Yeah. I did not want to do the creepy elf on the shelf at all. But then my middle child came home and made a little elf bed and wrote a letter to Santa. Her friends at school told her that was how to get an elf at your house. So we’ve had one for 3 years now. Thanks school.

When I was little, I used to leave space in the bed so the angel could have room to sleep next to me. I would essentially push myself as far into the wall as possible, so I wouldn’t squish my guardian angel. Making kids believe that a creepy elf/angel/santa/god is present and watching them at all times is SUCH a great…

My kids are still too little to know about this elf stupidity. But my students are into it hardcore and since November I’ve had to hear about what their damned elves are doing every night. But I also saw that the kids whose parents don’t do the elf were sad about it. So I know I’ll eventually be suckered into this…

Psssh, like a little thing like that is gonna stop it. Santa grows shelf elves from Jason Voorhees tissue samples. That thing would have been right back in position waiting for you before you even got back inside.

I used to hate getting undressed as a child because I was afraid that angels were watching. If elf on a shelf had been a thing back then, I probably would have burned it and buried the ashes in the woods.

The elf is part of the modern surveillance state.

People have already convinced their kids that a magic fat man enters every house in the world and brings presents to good little boys and girls. The elf is a logical extension, especially in a world where we’re already constantly being tracked.

The cops still came to the house to check on Isabella and found her freaking out. “She was hysterical crying, she was panicking,”

I look at it more as “See, this is what should actually have a waiting period” rather than drawing a direct parallel. Because a lot of the restrictions on abortions would actually be totally reasonable and helpful when applied to gun purchasing.

i died

My thoughts exactly.

This sounds like something a cat would do; piss on you because you pissed it off.

yeah and usually if you do it you get reciprocation. Sometimes I’ve had to negotiate up like, ok maybe not head for head but how bout hj? like if you do your job right i feel like they’re willing to tip more you know

Brian, you are an excellent and shining example of a generous partner, and I would be lying if I wasn’t a little jealous of the gal in that story. High fives all around.

This conversation is making me want to go home early, put on a skirt, and swan over to my boyfriend’s gorgeous face.

Dudes and sundresses...I mean, I get it but....man, they like them.

I guess I can say the same for dress pants though. Phew.

seriously tho, next time see if a guy will do it with your skirt or dress on, if he’s like me i swear to god it just makes everything seem more scandalous

You. I like you. You are a shining beacon of hope. Good job.

yeah pretty much, for me it probably is some sort of mixed bag of being a people pleaser and just liking hearing a girl squirm does more for me than some physical stuff, and truth be told, if I’m ever having a night where i uh, am having a hard time getting it up due to alcohol or whatever, then i usually go…

Right?! It’s just kinda... really a good headspace kind of thing.