Just imagine the decimal point one position to the left, it makes it a little easier.

Back in my day, a family of 7 could eat for a week for the cost of a buffalo nickel and a ha’penny.

I feel there is a time and place for “tempering” your beer. Out on the boat, on the beach, or grilling on your roof, ice cold all the way. By the time you get your coozie on (a must) and popped it open, you’ve probably already lost a couple degrees. Give it another 10 minutes in the hot sun and you best have a plan to…

Hi Chews are the best/worst. We have a central candy depot by my cube that people make offerings at. I found sour Hi Chews on sale a few months ago and I would estimate 75% of visitors said “SOUR HI CHEWS?!??!” Their excitement was a highlight of my day.

Remember this one?

Irn-Bru and mothers are a dangerous combo!

You are going to think I’m obsessed, but ...

Well, I’m glad to see the market responding to my uptick in whiskey consumption despite the difficult financial times.

“In a crowded whiskey field, an immediately recognizable brand like Dylan’s may help Heaven’s Gate stand out from the pack.” [emphasis added by commenter].

Andre Braugher is exceptional in B99. He’s playing so completely against type, and it’s a work of art.

Maybe she should see a doctor about that?

Why stop at sarcasm? Why not just fling the entire plate in the server’s face, flip the table, and scream “I WAS CHEWING, MOTHERFUCKER!!” then set three fires on your way out the door.

Probably the server is doing this because they don’t want to deal with your ass, and with your mouth full you’ll just nod. Ugh, please just eat at home.

I’ve met her in real life. She takes 0.00000 shits.

Sorry, Mouth’s Full sounds like a real fucking peach.

I feel for you, Full Mouth. It smarts when your letter does not receive the response that you expected.

Ummmm do you remember when U2 made their album available on everyones iphone and people were like PLEASE NO lolol i remember being like how i delete this? And ughhhh ok fine. I miiiiiiiight have a Coldplay song in my lineuo so whatevs

Stoners are the fucking worst.

Let’s bring these puns to heel, okay?

I wonder when the prime minister was served this he said Ugg. This chef might end up getting the boot over this little incident. They might be pissed because they thought the dessert was laced with something. If so, he’ll have to work hard to cobble together some kind of job on short notice. I’d hate to see him have…