are you seriously this stupid? you think it’s a great idea to have over a dozen venomous snakes living under your house? you realize people (especially elderly people) die from snake bites, right?

JUDAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS

Right? Shit, if I were her, instead of lamenting my bygone heydey, I’d be sitting on a beach somewhere drinking daiquiris and writing a tell-all memoir. I’m sure she’s got some great dirt on Trump.

I swear the ice cream truck in my neighborhood is driven by some sadistic child-hating monster, because it drives around the neighborhood for hours every day....too fast for kids to catch it. By the time we get money and get downstairs, it’s at the end of the block. This person is driving this truck like 30 miles an…

I mean....if I asked someone ‘Hey can you please stop doing this incredibly annoying and actually illegal thing’ and they responded with ‘fuck off’ it would be WAR. Sorry.

GGAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I admit that I get super ragey when I go to the pool and I see a group of muslim moms all huddled in the shade, covered from head to toe, undoubtedly sweltering, while their husbands are in the water in swim trunks, playing with the kids. It’s fucked up.

I’ve tried and tried with Everlane, but their clothes are just sooooo all over the place in terms of quality and fit. Some things are beautiful, some things look and feel super cheap, some stuff runs randomly huge, some stuff is tiny. I sold most of my Everlane stuff on ebay and now I’m down to a silk tank dress, the…

Is all this ‘Teen Week’ stuff making anyone else feel like they are WAY older than the average jezebel writer/commenter? Cause....that’s what it’s doing for me! I was in high school from 1998-2002 and all anyone every wore, at all, anywhere, was Abercrombie & Fitch. All Abercrombie, all the time. Even on pajama day.

My thoughts are to just eat a reasonable serving of regular ice cream, because we’re all going to die one day anyway.

YOU GUYS I NEED TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THIS STUFF I BOUGHT. So I’m 33, I have pretty fair skin that is insanely sensitive, prone to breakouts, redness, oiliness, AND dryness, and I’ve been looking for a sheer-to-medium BB or CC or sheer foundation or some goddamn thing for YEARS, ever since they discontinued my holy…

There’s a kid in my son’s class named Sir James :(

Yup. Hopscotch and Jazz Fest FTW!

She’s also been AMAZING on American Gods!

I’m convinced if you watch this scene enough times all the secrets of the universe will be revealed to you.

My favorite scene is when Ken Marino crashes the van for no reason. I’ve literally sat and watched that scene over and over and over, laughing until I cried. I....may or may not have been stoned at the time.

My cousin’s son asked for a doll for Christmas one year when he was about four years old. My cousin’s husband, who is a jock asshole, gave him a hard time and asked him why he wanted a doll? The kid (who was FOUR, mind you) looked at him and said, “Because I want to be a daddy some day!”.

NO CHURCH IN THE WILD

Ugh christ every blonde mongrammed mom in the entire south is going to be driving one of these goddamn things.

So, my 6 year old son has ALL of these and loves them. He’s actually currently playing with one. If a bunch of ‘cool’ boy dolls makes it more ‘acceptable’ for little boys to play with dolls I’m all for it.