TRY PEELING THE CHICKPEAS FIRST.

Top Chef, for sure. I personally know someone who was a finalist, not even the fucking winner, just in the last three, and his career has gone INSANE. He’s rolling in cash and has tons of insane job offers and has gotten to travel everywhere and it’s changed his life completely. And he didn’t even win!

AHAH

I mean it’s really fucking unbelievable, isn’t it? “All the Mexicans are bad, except for OUR Mexican! He’s fine, but all the others must be degenerates!”

Here’s the thing: Being pregnant is actually the fucking worst. You feel like crap most of the time, your body changes in new and terrifying ways each day, and you’re constantly being poked and prodded and peeing into cups and having everyone tell you what you should be doing. I hated being pregnant! I never…

I unfriended AAAAALLLLL those people.

I’ve been cooking enormous elaborate meals and I’m proooobably developing an drinking problem!

I mean, the individual things that make up tapas are incredibly delicious, but as a fellow big eater, fuck tapas. I’m not about to go to a restaurant and try and cobble together an $80 dinner out of disparate tiny things. I say this as a Spanish person, btw.

GOD THANK YOU I FUCKING HATE MUSE.

Possibly Japandroids, although it was recommended to me by my brother, who is technically older but lives in LA and is much, much hipper than I ever was.

My husband loves this haircut and it’s a perpetual heartbreak to him that he has insanely curly hair and can’t pull it off.

My aunt has this enormous red couch from Arhaus that is seriously the most comfortable thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s wonderful. Highly recommend.

Okay, I’m married and I didn’t do any of those things. My husband and I BOTH wear rings, it’s not as if he’s got a shackle around my finger while wearing nothing himself. I didn’t wear white, my father didn’t give me away, I didn’t change my name. We lived together for 7 years and had a kid before finally getting…

That’s where she totally lost me. Also: SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS A THING, YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.

My mom had me when she was really young, and she and my dad split when I was still a baby. He lived several states away and was a non-contributing jackass, and my mom never finished college and has some untreated mental issues that make it difficult for her to hold a decent job. Therefore, we lived with my…

I think that video of the truckbro crashing immediately after tailgating/giving the finger to that woman takes the cake as the GOAT of bad driver instant karma.

As a fellow white-ass Latina, I feel you. My boyfriend’s family is a bunch of deep-south trump-voting rednecks and the shit they’d say about spanish-speaking immigrants made me want to cut someone. I often thought about blurting out HEY MY GRANDMA IS A SPANISH-SPEAKING IMMIGRANT AND I GREW UP IN A SPANISH-SPEAKING…

Yeah. He watched the middle ‘Lacrimosa’ scene with the creation of the universe/dinosaurs/ etc over and over and over again.

No problem! I have their enchanted lip sheer in Bloodroot which is an awesome bright, deep orange-red, the lipstick in Against Nature which is a bright fuschia berry, and the ash and ember eye soots in Golden Age, Half Light, and Love Spell. I HIGHLY recommend the eye soot!!! They are incredible!! Pricey, but the tiny…

I.....can’t with Terrence Malick. I’ve tried. My husband LOVES his movies. A few years back, my husband’s best friend committed suicide and my husband watched Tree of Life over and over and over for days afterward. He said it was the only thing that made him feel better. I guess there’s something to be said for that.