“Risk your life for no pay to become a firefighter!”
“hum, ok, that’s nice, I can do that and learn and then when I get out...”
“No, just stop right there, when you get out your only option is to go back to a life of crime because even the government that rehabilitated you, trained you for a job and declared you’ve paid…

It’s a very viable alternative for the tens of millions of people who need it and use it every day.

We will not rest until we learn the truth about how Tyler came into possession of these narcotics

We’re one more star-crossed playoff exit away from being the louder, drunker version of the Buffalo Bills.

Finally! This just proves that Wall•E was wrong! Ultrafat humans of the future who can’t reach their own feet won’t have to hover around barefoot all the time! Self-tying shoes are the answer!

Robert Smith did end up having a successful career in medicine, but he never found the Cure. 

Teams cut players two weeks before the season. Why should it be a one-way street?

The fact that the NFL has made itself into a weekly orgy of vaguely fashy American nationalism can only hurt the popularity of the sport outside the US.

I mean yeah, the Miami team’s stadium was always going to be in Florida. 

This AB drama has already provided me with more entertainment than the entirety of the last 20 years of the Buffalo Bills.

He’s just fulfilling his role as a male US soccer player by expending a lot of energy without actually doing anything.

With mother's permission. 

Good to see Jim Breuer still not getting work.

My grandfather survived the Holocaust because he was a Nazi.

Hard to argue against something even a Michigan fan is capable of understanding

See, the thing is, I could choose to say Federer when he was a baby or when he’s deceased - but the problem is, the game still needs to be played. I could prop up Federer’s crib/casket with a racquet on the opposite baseline, but I’ve still got to serve. And my experience with tennis is that when I serve, the…

Its almost like they don’t like to say that the “States Rights” line is useless once you point out that the reason for their outrage was a right to be ‘slave states’, that’s corroborated by laws and Confederate lawmakers actually saying it is their god given right to own African slave because of the color of their…

God cops are the worst driving while texting offenders.  Chances are if you pull up next to one, phone is in hand and head is down.

“Good morning. Racist, homophobic, anti-Semite here. I work for the racist, homophobic, anti-Semites, and I’m here to reassure you that my team of racist, homophobic, anti-Semites is taking this investigation of racist, homophobic, anti-Semites very seriously. We will thoroughly investigate these racist, homophobic,…

pretty cool when a young star pops on a big stage and the old internet presence is juggling/dog tweets instead of the n-word and gay slurs.