/golf claps

That is a goddamn lame-assed bow on that Maybach. I’m all for showing off that gorgeous car in all of its glory, but Mr.TARDIS had a bow on my Subaru bigger than our youngest kid (who is 18 years old). I’m speculating at a probable re-gift as the dealership wouldn’t be caught dead putting that thing on that car.

LOVE IT. Love, love, love it! Keep it - it’s gorgeous.

Squatting repeatedly on a raised heel like in those videos is a great way to screw up your knees! Use something sturdy to hold onto in order to get and practice your balance instead of those plates.

That is some Superman-level shit right there. Holy cats.

Jr.TARDIS#2 (18yrs old) told me she was going out with a female friend from work last night to catch Pokemon around 10pm, and really wasn’t dressed like she was heading out for a jog or anything. She reportedly arrived home around 2am. Kid, just say “Hey, Mom, I’m heading out to an establishment; I may or may not be…

This is so totally not a bad thing. Not a all.
/fans self

I work with a wildlife rehabber, and my old wish is to feed orphaned baby raccoons bottles but I am not down for the rabies shots I have to get in order to do that.
*sobs*

Oh, my god I was at my parents’ last weekend, and this was ALL NIGHT. Holy hell.

Oh, yeah ... a LOT of Botox. His forehead is so wrinkle-free, it’s like a Mattel plastic doll. I’m worried if he hits a strong ray of sunlight it might melt off. Thankfully, he’s not expressionless like Nicole Kidman.
(and please note I’m not snarking on his plastic surgery choices at all, and as someone who looks at…

I bought Trainspotting just for Ewan’s junk, ngl.

Go to your room.

Lookit, I’m Whiteboy Faceblind and cannot tell any of the Hemsworths apart (or Chris Pine, or Chris Evans, or that Pratt one), but I can pull Channing Tatum out of a lineup blindfolded and backward (and preferably nekkid, but I digress). He’s totally overdone it on the Botox, but otherwise haiiiiii, boo.

Eddie Huang’s reply was the best thing about this whole mess.

Neglecting Step #3 probably cost him the most in this situation...

/lights another stick of incense and places it on the Altar of “Dodged Yet Another Bullet” next to the half-burnt effigies of all of my terrible exes

We love fat, hairy Greek men! Love the tattoo. <3

Low carbs can screw with your adrenals, and your sleep. My mother went down to <20 carbs/day, and has been waking up at 1am, falling back to sleep around 4:30pm, and getting up at 5:30am for the day. She may have lost 12 pounds in what seems like an instant, but she’s a damn zombie. I showed her in a book we both own…

I would absolutely volunteer to be the meat in that sammich (provided Lochte never spoke, period).

Gronk yasssssss. I have a type. God.
/shakes head