“Stick to candy!”

If conversion therapy is so effective, why do the Saints carry a punter on their roster?

this is exactly why I’ve never dated her.

Yeah this is all good and great but will the Chicago Fire win the World Cup now that they have Bastian Schweinsteiger? 

Christmas Dinner with the Mannings

I could never imagine Tiger Woods sleeping with all those porn stars, stripers and prostitutes. Now I can.

Asshole didn’t replace his divot.