It looked like Bell caught that as well, and turned it back on Norton - like "why the hell would you say that.. what, should WE make out too?" It was weird and awkward and just underscored the ubiquity of misogyny in hacky, lazy comedy.

My kids somehow decided that being "fat" is awesome - my (normal sized, but slightly pot-bellied) 4 year old will regularly pull up his shirt after a big meal and demand that everyone admire how fat he's gotten, and his 2 year old sister often follows suit. I'm not sure what it came from - maybe overhearing me…

Ha! It reminds me of when I was driving my kids to swim lessons, and listening to an interview (on NPR of all places) where the phrase "gay porn" was thrown around several times. My then 5-year-old asked, "What's 'gay porn?'" and with out missing a beat I replied, "You know, the seed an oak tree comes from!" …

Dude. Once I farted while orgasming. During oral sex. Shit happens. We just laughed and moved on.

My kids use "darn," "friggin," and "effing" like real swear words. I mean, they also talk about penises, farts, and poops ALL THE TIME, but I consider it a victory. At least it makes it look like I'm trying!

Dude, good luck with that. With my oldest, we were So. Careful. Now that we have three, my youngest, who just turned two, is already telling dirty jokes. (example: "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "PENIS PEED IN THE UNDERWEAR!! HAHAHAHAHA" And yes, that's an original). I'm trying, I really am. But you have to pick…

Dude. My kids are 6, 4, and 2, and I can barely get a handle on their language. I've tried curse jars, time outs, everything. Now if I can just get through a meal without potty talk I feel like I've won.

I had the following exchange with my 2.5 year old several years ago:

I literally never play it. If I have to listen to it over and over again, it better be something I can tolerate. That said, my 2 year old daughter accidentally developed an obsession with M.I.A.'s "Bucky Done Gun" that goes a bit beyond my threshold (also her older brothers HATE it. My six year old, who has the…

Word. There was really only a moment I considered going - in the first few throbbing, nauseating minutes I thought I MAY have crushed it. After gingerly poking around and determining that it was a minor break at most, I taped it up and got back to my normal routine. Making dinner last night sucked, though - I'd…

Ack! Gout?!? Shit.. Now I have more to google.

Dude, I'll take that over the ineptitude. After being handed a prescription for antibiotics to treat my fancy new Lyme Disease, I asked, "I've heard there are several antibiotics that can interfere with the effectiveness of hormonal birth control. Is this something I need to be concerned about?" The doctor stared…

My 2 year old has gotten them open, seemingly accidentally. My six year old, now that he's a fluent reader, just looked at the cap and was like "Press down and turn.. Okay.." before he proceeded to open the bottle.

And this is, I guess, the thirty-something-mother-of-three's guide to going to the ER/ My Morning:

Dude. I don't really care what people wear to perform (and to separate these performers from their perceived sexual appear would be disingenuous as it's a major part of their "product"). I'm happy to see all of these phenomenally fit, scantily clad bodies. But if these costumes were representative of what one needed…

My mixed-race kids get a lot of compliments on their skin tone, and while I think my babies are the most gorgeous creatures to walk this earth, it definitely gets old.

Ha! Well, if it makes you feel any better, all my kids are master hand swingers, but neither my four year old or six year old have figured out yet how to propel themselves on swings, despite my best efforts. Sometimes it just takes a while.

It's okay. My kids love doing it, but it's definitely frowned upon by pediatricians - it's a pretty common cause of "nursmaid's elbow."

My kids chew their food into gun shaped objects all the time (also popular: PENIS SHAPES! Which are really not terribly dissimilar). But if the NRA came anywhere near any of them for BS shenanigans like this, I'd show them just how effectively an unarmed citizen can protect her household.

Dude, my 3 kids (6 and under) see me naked on the regular. I try to keep the oldest out of my bedroom and the bathroom, but he still busts in to tell me SUPER critical information about the imaginary navy of his imaginary country while I'm changing or showering. The younger ones, I scarcely even try. Obviously…