But who will defeat NEw EnGlANd?

Suicide may be a cardinal sin in the Catholic Church, but in this instance I think such a response is entirely understandable.

I don’t really mind that this skit isn’t all that clever because I can appreciate how utterly absurd it is.

You mean a fat white man who uses slave labor & animal cruelty, watches you when you’re sleeping/knows when you’re awake, breaks into your home every year, and asks you to sit on his lap and tell him what you REALLY want? Sounds like Roy Moore’s slightly better-behaved brother.

Gee. I wonder who will get in?

Wrong. Wrong! Nasty Velocirapstar! This one time, he got 80% when he polled his family. Eric sure was in the doghouse after that one.

Let me shock everyone here by reminding everyone that whenever Trump tweets a poll, it’s almost always from Rasmussen - a partisan hack robo-call firm that lives on its ability to give results that are roughly 10 points slanted to the GOP. Around a third of the country approves of Trump. Rasmussen exists to tell that…

...Eh, I’ll pass on this one. It doesn’t seem like it’s fair to mock a speech impediment caused by dentures, especially when we have so much more to work with.

This one really hurts, but I think Franken should resign.

I want to protest, too, but when I start getting angry about this, my left arm starts to hurt and I’m short of breath.

Oh shit - I’m watching the live feed of Cory Booker reading the whole thing out loud, page by page, slamming his palm on his desk repeatedly with frustration - I feel like I’m watching a man have a nervous breakdown!

We’re in goddamned Demolition Man.

Here’s Hillary this morning as Mike Flynn enters the courthouse.

Well... You’re a dick.

If you support Donald Trump or the Republican party in anyway you are an evil person.

Rot in hell Donald Trump.

It’s snowing in Worcester. #FLAKENEWS

My front yard is now totally clear of leaves.

#RAKENEWS

Universal Pictures and Illumination announced today Max, a once lauded and beloved Jack Russel terrier was euthanized by popular demand

Being old does have its advantages, sometimes. Like not giving half a shit about stuff like this. You keep doing you, Apple.