No!!! Get out there and do the twentieth Taken movie so I can be snarky. Letting me be a complete ass while you make $10 million is the noblest service an actor can provide.

The third Ace Ventura has nothing on the fourth film directed by Spike Lee. I know Mr. Lee made some controversial choices, but it totally works.

I’m beginning to think you have a thing for this man’s butt. After all, it houses his giant intellect.

You’re a regular Steve Bannon.

So, you’re saying that the Trump Administration’s fact checking, much like Miami International Airport, is MIA?

Surprised it took this long to lock up the director of a movie that made $400+ million. I figured they would just hand Mrs. Jenkins a blank check and tell her to fill in the amount.

I just go see movies I think look good. I don’t really care about movie genre. My entire family went to see “It” on Saturday and we all enjoyed the film.

Me too. I always hate it when they don’t put 90's punk bands in the 80s.

In an interesting turn of events, Leonardo DiCaprio just signed on to play the prophylactic-loving Jared Leto in the “Suicide Squad” biopic “What the Hell was that?!” Asked to comment, Jared Leto was last seen convulsing on the floor and speaking in tongues.

Do I have to be reminded that Steve Bannon is a shitty person that exists? It’s interesting that the cool kids wouldn’t let him in to the club, but I just don’t care when he helped perpetrate what is likely irreversible damage to our government and society.

All hail Ben Grimm. I will sacrifice a few virgins from the A.V. Club in honor of thy name.

I know. We’re all getting laid off. It’s getting to where us older white men can’t send pictures of our underwhelming penis to anyone.

Irmer terk er jerbs!!!

Dear Commentariat,

There may be nothing actionable, but I can see why it is being investigated. Uber created internal software to track and monitor Lyft drivers by creating fake Lyft accounts. It is at minimum a questionable practice that probably violates the “terms and conditions” of creating and using a Lyft account.

Slamming Trump is a 24/7 job. We had to outsource.

Oddly enough, they kept the part where Jesus sent used condoms to his disciples.

Gawker is heavily invested in Chinese tea. We all know that they lobby for tea subsidies to depress the Indian tea market. Down with the East India Company.

Will it beat the U.K. Premier of “Man Down” which sold 1 ticket? Come on TIFF goers, the magic number is one.

According to McDonald’s, if you didn’t go to that damned convenience store and buy a candy bar or a pack of gum, you can afford health insurance on minimum wage. Charles Koch says that eliminating the minimum wage will incentivize us poors to start our own businesses and get off the benevolent corporate teat. …