Ungreyed.

Just this one, I think:

Serf & Turf

Prepare.

You know, I had no idea I had a crush on T-Pain until just now.

"These people can't get to grocery stores that have extensive healthy offerings, and can't afford to buy the ones that are there, and are therefore getting sick! What's our solution, boys?"

Ironically, I'd rather drink liquid laundry detergent than drink Mountain Dew.

This is a good idea imo. When I was on food stamps it baffled me to no end that I could use them to buy a bag of gummi worms and a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew but I couldn't use them to buy soap or laundry detergent. At least this addresses one half of that weirdness.

My husband and I must be masters at this, but we always argue with the assumption that the other person might be right, and we might be remembering things incorrectly. It's amazing how quickly things can be resolved when you manage to give just that little bit of ground.

If you read the story, she and the baby were sleeping in the same bed and it died. If this were a wealthy, white Park Slope yuppie mother "Co-Sleeping", there wouldn't be charges because it would be a "tragic accident" or "SIDS".

I forgot this one!

My friend and I once smoked a joint in his parents' kitchen after school. His mother came home and remarked about the strange smell.

I don't know if this counts, because the excuse was also completely true, but:

This isn't really dumb, but I was at my finest and sneakiest as a third grader when I would get this weird rash from the cold Winter air outside (idk, still happens, v odd) so I would go to the nurse for Benadryl after recess.

Benadryl has never made me sleepy, but since they knew that was a potential side-effect my…

In high school one of the guys in my health class showed up about five minutes late for class. When he arrived the teacher asked why he was late. He replied "I saw two girls making out and I HAD to watch them."

When I was in eleventh grade, my depression was getting out of control. I was actually about two months away from a suicide attempt, but obviously didn't know that yet. I was taking chemistry with an evil teacher who clearly hated students and was just waiting for full pension. He was a bully to his students and I…

I was T-boned in a major intersection, by a woman who ran through the light a good 15 or so seconds after her light turned red. Her excuse? She wasn't familiar with the area. Had I not been in pain and disoriented at the time I would have thought to ask her what color the stoplights are where she lived.

I just want to let you know, that's a rage star, not an "I like this" star.

Upon regularly explaining to my ex why I don't want him to promise that he will call our son at a specific time or date (because he goes at least a week between any sort of contact with us and winds up letting down a little kid), he regularly replies:

I just get so bored. There isn't anything to do. I'm so lonely. I…

I tried so hard to have a tubal ligation when I was young. I was a single mother of two when I was 21, and even though I had a great job and supportive community, I did not want any more children and had nearly died having my youngest, and was paranoid to the point of celibacy due to having become pregnant twice…