I'm a little sad that this story didn't end with the love egg hatching, and a cute little sex robot emerging, and then the sex robot deciding that the bomb disposal expert was its mama. The adventures they'd have.

Imma bout to check out
pay my 80 bucks for 6 things and get the heck out

Rabbit is delicious, and oysters are horrendous. They try to warn you by being so ugly and hard to open, but people don't take the hint.

I spent about a year and a half working with a program that was based Augusto Boal's theater of the oppressed, which teaches people different methods of dealing with oppression or abuse or discrimination in the moment. We would show a short, maybe 5 minute play in which somebody has something really terrible happen…

I almost blacked out from laughing.

*slow clap*

How in the WORLD would that ever make YOU late for meetings? For one, it takes approx. 3 seconds to slip off a pair of flats and on a pair of heels. For another, if a woman wants to bother with carrying an extra pair of shoes around all time rather than find a pair that's professional, attractive, and okay for…

Like, 13 years ago, I got arrested for "borrowing" an RV that was for sale in my neighbors yard. He had left the keys in the ignition. My pal and I (totally sober btw) decided to take it for a spin around the block. When we got back the cops were waiting for us. My neighbor didn't press charges. He actually kinda…

Halloween, senior year of college. My friends and I went as a merry band of troubadours or something like that and won Best Group Costume (my other friend, in spectacular full drag as Mae West, won Best Costume). For some reason, I was semi-sober when I got home, was still dressed in my room when two carloads of…

While in college, I got the brilliant idea to go spend Halloween with my friend at UC Santa Barbara. UCSB at Halloween is utter and complete madness. Hoards of people everywhere; you can just wander in and out of house parties you weren't invited to. I'm sure everybody's shit gets stolen.

Oh god

I saw a drunk dude wearing a striped poncho and a tacky sombrero + a gunslinger type belt that held plastic shotglasses trying to hail a taxi.

He dropped/stepped on his hat, stooped to retrieve it and haphazardly placed the crushed sombrero back on his head, then he removed the last empty shotglass from his belt and…

Kirk gravely underestimated how awful a bunch of 18 year olds with their first shot at freedom could be.

What about cutest, funniest kids...

My 3-year old niece is frequently seen with her hair in a french braid with barrettes and wearing a dress. And it's because she wants it all - the french braid is "Elsa hair," the barrrettes are Frozen themed, as are many of her dresses. None of it stops her from running around and being a kid.

On a cruise with my family right a week after I graduated college. Was sharing a tiny room with my older brother. Met super hot dude there because his borther was getting married on the ship. He was sharing a room with his mother. One night, very late, we snuck back into his cabin while his mother slept and did it in…

Not a thing I did, but a thing that was done in pursuit of getting in my pants. Also not super crazy, just completely ridiculous.

I married an Egyptian and ours was the worst ever.

"There is nothing not funny about eating disorders,"

Except it is.