Thanks for doing everything you can to prevent people from ever being offended.

If you got paid to write this, I am so jealous.

Yeah, everything should be gay.

He couldn’t hold Trout’s jock on his best day in Tom Ley’s best dream.

Nicole, you’re extra gay. I’m glad you won’t be reproducing.

You’re a below-average writer, and your logic is screwy.

Close your restaurant. End of story.

Pay attention in school and you won’t have to deliver food for a living.

You’re really dumb.

You cannot install a remote start in a car with a manual transmission? Are you sure?

Jeebus, man. Google something. Wins Above Replacement.

Spoken from experience, right?

Typos happen in text messages. You’re presenting something for the world to read. Get it right.

Thank you.

...because he’s trying to figure out how this chick has two kids if being gay isn’t a choice?

She did the SJWs proud, but simultaneously closed the book on Carson’s campaign.

Your ability to grasp the concept of atheism and make a determination about the possible existence of a supreme being at the age of 6 is hugely impressive.