THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL AV CLUB.

IT WOULD BE HELPFUL, I THINK, TO GET A SENSE OF WHAT YOU MEAN BY "REAL BOOKS." I'M PICTURING "SONNETS FOR ORPHEUS" AND "THE MAGIC MOUNTAIN," BUT YOU MAY BE THINKING OF "FOUNDATION'S END" OR "MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS."

MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT DEVOTING ONE'S LIFE TO THE SPEWING OF UNMITIGATED BULLSHIT THAT LEADS ONE TO BECOME DELUSIONAL IN OTHER AREAS AS WELL: "WHY, YES, I'M QUITE CERTAIN THAT ATTRACTIVE COWORKER WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO RECEIVE A PHOTO OF MY JOHN HENRY."

I KNOW I GET DICK PICS FROM HILLARY ALL THE DAMN TIME.

VERY TRUE. RIGHT WING IS FAMOUS FOR BEING HIGHLY TOLERANT OF STUPID PEOPLE. HOORAY FOR STUPIDS!!

UNLIKE SECRET MUSLIM OBAMA, TRUMP LIES BECAUSE HE LOVES AMERICA. ALSO, HARDER TO TELL THE TRUTH WHEN YOU HAVE ENORMOUS HANDS. TRUE FACT!

THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFIL PRESIDENT!

THE SURPRISINGLY SOFT-SPOKEN TURK_SCRUBSIER.

ANTHONY BOURDAIN IS GONNA BE PISSED.

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE OF THE SCENE WHERE BABY DRIVER ORDERS A STEAK WELL DONE.

IF I CAN'T GET A "BOATY MCBOATFACE" FLAVORED OREO, THE ENTIRE INTERNET IS A LIE.

YOU SEEM PLEASANT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BAKE A CAKE TOGETHER?

I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT KEVIN JAMES "HAS A GIFTED DRAMATIC ACTOR HIDING SOMEWHERE INSIDE HIM." IS THAT A SEX THING?

BLACK FLY IN HIS CHARDONNAY? I HATE WHEN THAT SHIT HAPPENS.