“Charging a man with a six-inch Italian B.M.T. was like handing out speeding tickets in the Indy 500. I took the B.M.T. What the hell else was I gonna do?”

“I wanted a six-inch Italian B.M.T. And for my sins, they gave me one.”

How are people referring to something that makes you black out and trash shit as “synthetic marijuana?” That is not what marijuana does. That’s more like synthetic PCP.

naked and in a mood to re-enact the opening scene from Apocalypse Now

When your country decides to actually provide decent paid maternity leave, then perhaps we’ll talk. Till then....nope. You don’t get to whine about this.

Pick one of the following statements from the University of Florida Athletic Director that applies:

This needs to be a Deadspin post all it’s own.

I’m guessing he either had a boyfriend on the side or the wife knew and it was open/poly. That’s all I can figure.

threelationship

Knowing Michigan this is probably just a faked gay love triangle shovel beating, intended to cover up a straight love triangle shovel beating.

His wife held him back from further injuring his boyfriend, whom he assaulted and shouted homophobic slurs at...?

“Meanwhile the teams, the league ignore it because the dirty little secret is that at this point the only way to fill the stadiums is appealing to the dumbest, most drunken, and the angriest of the population.”

Egging on the guy to shoot the other guy in the head.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, a person hailing from the New England area is shot in the head while visiting Dallas.

This story is being blown completely out of proportion. Greg Hardy was simply leaving the stadium after the game.

Fuck IPA fever. I am so sick of wasting ten minutes per table explaining our vanilla espresso IPA, our 36,000,000-minute IPA, our Antidisestablishmentarianism IPA. Go hump a barrel of hops and GTFO of my face.

“People are just upset and angry and throwing her under the bus.,” he said. “If we didn’t win, why do you deserve to get paid? If you don’t succeed in business, you shouldn’t be the first one to step up and complain about getting paid.”

If only Shumate had been an unborn fetus, I’m sure she would have cared more about him.

They should replace his actual picture with this and also not use his name.

If anyone is good at holding multiple opposite viewpoints at one time, it’s a conservative Republican.