I would also like to become Mrs. Robot.

Now if we could just round them all up into one sex-robot zone, like a big park where you go and pick your robot partner and do what you want with them with absolutely no consequences or comeuppance.

No. It’s a goddamn cedar tree. It looks gross because it’s not a traditional type of xmas tree at all. This was the dumbest idea ever.

Patton has been knocking it out of the park lately.

...short-rib burger blend molded into a sad little meat thing, sitting in the center of a massive, rapidly staling brioche bun, hiding its shame under a slice of melted orange cheese...

since he cant sell burgers at his restaurant and can’t sell his steaks at sharper image, he has to take his beef to twitter.

“When it’s with me, girl, you only need two minutes, because I’m so intense. You say something like, ‘Is that it?’ I know what you’re trying to say. You’re trying to say, ‘Aww yeah, that’s it!’ Then you tell me you want some more. Well, I’m not surprised. But I am quite sleepy”.

Look he can’t hel...

Please, Travolta makes his wedding ring disappear a couple times a month.

Oh I am definitely on to something.

Learn how a bill becomes a law.