That was pretty close to my first. I remember someone coming in from Exxon and explaining how Exxon wasn’t at fault, and was going to take care of everything.

I’m Perd Hapley, and the thing you are about to read, is an article.

well done

How iz ostralya formed?

She’s from Australia. I would fuck her. As I said she is from Australia and you have to think about what that means: she is Australian. I would, in fact, fuck her.

As I said, she is from Australia.

I re-read that excerpt 3 times and have no idea what he’s trying to say.

Abstinence is bullshit

I really hope they’re compatible. That’s such a great excuse to slut it up with your husband before he’s your husband: “I have to make sure we’re sexually congruent. We’re going to be fucking each other for the rest of our lives.” Take that, abstinence!

I looked at the godawful cover art of the book, had a thought about “Who’s responsible for that crap?” and then realized it was independently published and I laughed and I laughed.

She would be a great stock photo lady, though. She could look SO happy eating salad.

Two additional notes:

““““Actress””””

You forgot the part about how you are so beautiful that the local children called you Fromage Face.

The use of the phrase “darkest Africa,” alone, is just ... WTF?????

Patronizing? Offensive? You must not have read the part about how every time she feels out of place at a Hollywood party, she “tr[ies] to remember a smiling gap-toothed child with HIV whose greatest joy was to sit on [her] lap and drink from a bottle of Coca-Cola.” I think you owe someone an apology.

A comment my friend made on FB, “ How long before we see this fuckshit on screen with Renee Zellweger?”

“Louise was in Zambia,” he wrote. “She was a gap student originally placed at Ndole Bay Lodge on Lake Tanganyika. But she moved across to Kasaba Bay. I will leave the reasons out.”

This piece incensed me to no end. I am Nigerian-American and the patronizing, offensive tone of this piece made me a little crazy over the weekend. Where does one begin? Even if her entire story is true, giving it the benefit of the doubt, this singular Africa that underlies her entire story no longer exists, and in…

Zambillion Little Pieces.