This is poignent for me today, as this morning I was downward dogging and for some reason, The Gremlin decided that that was the time to get suuuuuper excited and do laps around my yoga mat, barking.

OK, Pinkham, clearly a clever and artistically inclined fellow Jezzie needs to create a Monogrammed Thermos Award .gif so you can award it on a semi-regular basis for the best (i.e., most rage stroke inducing) BCO story.

As a former comrade, I have a message for the children of Illinois:

The pizza is a lure to attract his real lunch. A different kind of "child killer."

Paul Newman is boneable even from my straight male perspective. Although, I'm disappointed to see Steve McQueen missing from either list as he's my all-time dead guy man crush.

This ballerina dude who was in charge of "gospel dance" at his new age-y church. When we were done, he rolled off, and put a handmade hemp bracelet on me with five different colored beads.

Got all busy on the dance floor with this hot Latin dude. We went back to his place, got naked, and we weren't even undressed two minutes and his load was all over my stomach. Expecting to continue and push through to another orgasm I stayed in bed all sexy-like preparing for more. He looked at me quizzically and…

A guy whom after causing so much drama at a party, by drunkenly hitting on all my friends and kissing several who were already in relationships, left me something on the desk in the morning after we had sex.

I'm similarly impressed with my dog's butthole. Small, tidy, and always so clean. In fact, his whole butt area is pretty adorable. His back view is shaped like a salmon steak. It's adorable.

I thought about this a little this morning—about why I felt so disappointed. I realized that I don't actually know anything about Phylicia Rashad and that I was disappointed in Mrs. Huxtable.

It's a little late in the season to start preserving babies.

My wife's favorite response to a maintenance sex request. "Can I just spread my legs and lie here while you do your thing? Also, if I fall asleep during it, and you come somewhere weird on me, try to clean me up a little in case the kids come in to the room before I wake up."

Guyrootof and I give each other maintenance sex often, but we both see it more as "favor/being a nice partner" sex. No one feels obligated, it can always be turned down. Sometimes he isn't into it and I am, and vice versa, so it's just a thing that sometimes happens when two people have been exclusive a long time. We…

Haha I should have shared this one it's the best.

She eats peanut butter the way those two virgins kissed for the first time at their wedding.
Also, her peanut butter dealer is supercute.

For reals. Pop culture is constantly recycling style. Doesn't make it inherently good or bad.

I compared Santa's letters to my mom's handwriting (the Easter bunny didn't leave me letter) and was super confused as to why they were different (I was already skeptical at this point). Years later I found out that she's ambidexteous, and wrote Santa's letter in her non dominant hand. Sneaky.

They should've hired Chuck Testa!

Do you know Juanita? Do a google image search for "Juanita Weasel." Minutes of fun are guaranteed.