The staff should've come back in like this:

I'm biased because I live here / am from here...

I made you a Christmas present!

I think we should replace the bald eagle as our national bird with an avocado with paper wings stuck to it.

He doesn't even work in our office. He just gets to work without pants on, remotely.

Nothing is cuter than this French Bulldog (except maybe his owner).

Somewhere out there, Bill Buckner is clicking "like" on this video so hard.

All the inane zooming around furniture and excited growling makes me miss my childhood dog. A little Matlese named Sassy. :(

One of my Great Danes grabbed the turkey carcass off the counter one Thanksgiving and ran laps around the house with it. I freaking love those big dummies.

Ugh doesn't she look great! I'm 8 months pregnant and I got a bad case of beef back (ie my back looks like a slab of cow hanging in a butcher shop-sooo freakin big) and I can no longer "sit like a lady". If I wear white I look like big hero six. This is my current state

Oh, my god, my Buster would fail this so utterly. Toys! Food! A whole smorgasbord of delight! Eventually he'd want to come tell me about what a good time he was having, though (he's so funny—whenever he meets a new dog he particularly likes or is having an extra good time at anything, he always takes breaks to come to…

What I'm most surprised by is how Vladimir Putin finds the time to referee. That guy is everywhere.

JUST ONE MORE HOT DOG, MOM

I mean, I pick up the piles of laundry and take out the bathroom trash so I don't get judged, but other than that . . . nah. Wait, I also lock away any sex toys, but that's just common courtesy I think.

I asked my friends, put the message out on Facebook. I got like, 10 recs from people. I had each cleaner come out, walk around, and give me a bid. I ended up picking one who walked in and- upon looking at my house that had just that day been cleaned by another housekeeper- walked around in total disgust saying: "They…

I kinda loved your grumpy comments, but not at the expense of you having a bad day. Hang in there!

I don't know, it depends where their house is. Sometimes I'm astonished by how tiny many of those multi-million dollar pads in the Hollywood Hills are. You best believe that I'm going to need more than 2000 square feet if I'm dropping 5 mill on a house, friend. Shit, I needed more than 2000 square feet when I was…

look at these baby plattys instead

I'm in North Buffalo and the only thing we've got so far is some wind and a dusting. I know that crap is coming up here, and I'm terrified of having to drive through it. A couple of co workers are stuck at my work place in Hamburg. They've been there since early this morning (3am) when the driving bans were put in…

The thing is while this may look crazy to the rest of the country, we typically get 2-3 snowfalls like this a year. We just learn how to drive, pick up the shovel, and get to work.