I'm not a drunk, so I'll follow your advice and drink at all three of those times.

You dumb bastard!

Just like Santa, good advice from Savage comes only once a year.

Don't Robin's parents always die?

That's actually brilliant. I love that, I'll keep it in mind.

I love that phrase, 'cup the balls', and I intend to use in conversation.

Anybody want a peanut?

The worst part of the jargon-heavy aspect of this wave of feminism is seeing idiots trying to bludgeon people with them in conversations.

This is the second time in as many days I've asked someone for advice and gotten "Just remember, eventually we'll all be dead."

I respect your commitment.

Look, just nod and walk away, man.

In fairness, I'd say Single Ladies is easily as iconic as those two songs. Your average, not-that-hip person knows exactly how it goes.

Tobias Funke?

That doesn't sound like it could help. On the other hand, it couldn't hurt either.

https://www.youtube.com/wat…

*misunderstands, snaps the shin bone of an interviewer*

I understand why, but I really wish the answer to most of life's problems wasn't "you have to suffer and fail a lot".

Nerves are definitely a big issue, and I do feel like I have trouble answering questions well. The meat of the issue is that I'm horrendous at improvising, not nearly assertive enough to sell myself to people, and have just enough experience to get people's interest, not enough to actually look impressive.

My question this week, more pragmatic than usual: I'm looking for work, and I'm a terrible interview. What can I do to improve?

"No, no, no, I was saying I love my wife's butt."