@BeAgrestic: I work with several adults who not only type in all caps but use Comic Sans font and apparently use a shotgun to apply punctuation. It makes my eyeballs bleed.

@KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: It's going to be the great Lifetime movie EVER.

I'll apologize for eating things that give us heartburn when you stop being so stupid about it. Apples? Plums? BANANAS?! Really, body? THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOU. I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU.

I'm sorry about that time we went snowboarding and I figured since I knew how to ski and knee-board I didn't need lessons and could head up the mountain with my friends. I gather from your refusal to raise my arms above my head for three days that you weren't happy about that.

@hortense: No. It's entirely reasonable to think that. Because that's exactly why she's crying.

The suggesting to "be a little gay for him" is awesome.

@WaltzingMatilda...same McCain, less filling!: This is pretty genius.

@morninggloria: FUCK YEAH. We can be in the 35th Light Armored Tiger & Sword Brigade.

"The ad simply reflects the way a lot of young girls like to dress. We hope the old farts at the ERK loosen up a little," the statement said. "Ryanair defends the right of Swedish girls to take their clothes off."

@Taren: Every episode of Unsolved Mysteries gave me nightmares as a kid. I'm such a pansy.

@gherkinfiend: Hooooly shit. A grandmother at 26. Shit. Wow.

A few years ago, I was working at Express and this woman came in to do a return. She handed over her id and as she did, this little girl comes running up going "Nana! Nana!". I look down at the ID and realize she's only 32. I was blown away. Like, I had never even thought about that before. It still kinda floors…

@Blitzgal: Oh man. I wish I could screw up so badly it ruined my company and then got rewarded for it with an all-expenses paid cruise.

@Elaken: @vivelafat:That's good Synchro!: Oh, whatever, you and your history and facts and lack of proof.

@We Don't Live in the 60s: Well, if looking out your office window and seeing some heads on pikes doesn't make you think twice about that shady business plan you've got...

@LaComtesse: I didn't, but I did name my "family" after people from Robin Hood, Ivanhoe and King Arthur. What's that? Yes, I had no friends, why do you ask?

@eleanorstrousers: I just got a call, like, one minute ago, that my work trips to Seattle and Atlantic City were canceled. (I'll confess, not to unhappy with not having to go to AC).

You know, I get AIG's argument that it's a different branch of their company that's going on these trips and blah blah blah, but it still looks bad and there's a lot of people who won't understand that. For them to stand their and be like, "No, we're going to continue to have these trips and do business as usual and,…

@NefariousNewt:

If smart men have the better, healthier sperm, WHY DO SO MANY STUPID PEOPLE HAVE BABIES?!