"Which is a great thing for a mother to say, but an awfully whiny and vague thing for a writer to say."

As a nerd, I make it a point to refrain from being creepy and misogynistic.  I resent the implication, sir!

Amen.

The marketing pitch around the Big Butt Book relies upon it being the roundest, most in-your-face thing around. 

It's a little hard to parse.  I'm just going to look the other way.

It really is old news.  The FBI was persecuting King like mad, and the fact that  they actually tried to get him to kill himself would be comically absurd if it weren't so deeply disturbing.

Seriously.  Nothing in that letter could possibly be more damaging to the government than the mere fact of its existence.

:::Google translates:::

Holy fucking hell.  I don't think I'm OK anymore.

Come back, Steven!  There are so many more number one albums!

I thought I was the only one!

Exactly this.  This is why Public television is so critical.  Other TV stations, given enough time, will always revert to generic crap.

It's actually "son of Sim," short for "son of Simon," as in "Simon says play dumb your whole life and people will give you things."

Umm, that's a fucking lie.  I don't know if you're lying or Tina's lying or Vanity Fair is lying, but someone is lying pretty damn hard right now.

Indeed.  Jessica Simpson has simply never been required to think seriously about anything.  In a world that expected more from people like her, she could have turned out to be quite intelligent.  But we'll never know now, because at this point it's almost certainly too late for her to be anything but stupid.

O'Neal is not a machine; O'Neal is just a man.  With superpowers.

I think it's pretty obvious that the big answer is "sexism." 

Should be "hast," but you're on the right track!