I play basketball at my local gym, and I am worse than Lebron James to an alarming degree.

Lighten up, Francis. 

My first memory of Joe Buck announcing and also the moment I decided he was a sanctimonious shithead was the Randy Moss mooning celebration.

Peterson is the clear cream of the jewel

OBJ=POE

OBJ obviously requires fresh, pure water to replenish his precious bodily fluids.

They should move the remaining 30 teams there! That would show ‘em!

I like the shower heads in Europe, where they are hand held (which you can attach to a higher point on the wall.) To warm up the water, I just take the hand held part off the wall and aim it towards the drain, so no splash, no freeze. 

When I see Sean McDermott from certain angles I wonder whether he left in the morning with everything he owned in a little black case. Was he alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on his sad and lonely face?

See Im sorry I was never that impressed with Ledger’s Joker. I have long thought people would not have been so awed by it had he not died right after filming. But I still prefer Nicholson’s Joker.

I’d take it even further and say it would be like her taking his razor and using it to de-fuzz the towels. Just like, WTF are doing!?!?!

Diners are supposed to have sugar! on the table! within reach! No it’s technically not “black” but all you’re telling her at a DINER is whether or not she needs to bring you the steel pitcherlet of rancid cream. The sugar is supposed to be there.

Mine is the “New & Improved” for some product. It can’t be both, goddammit! If it was new, there was no previous iteration on which to improve. If it’s improved, that means there were previous iterations making said thing NOT FUCKING NEW!

I don’t really care if people use jealousy and envy interchangeably, but fucking up less and fewer is my language pet peeve. Slightly less vexing is further/farther.

Great video. I only wish James’s ungodly pass to Cuadrado in the Colombia-Poland match would have been included. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TDlluXzyMA

Should have been ejected earlier for being a grown man who brings a glove to a ballgame.  

As a Navy officer who lives in North Carolina:

I look forward to Donald Trump’s Tweet congratulating his friends Robert Kraft and Tom Brady on winning Super Bowl LII.

Oh man that took a sec. That’s brutal. Well done

Ben is a Deadspin reader who likes cricket.