I’ll totally visit you in the hospital if you do that

Chill Greg Stanton (yes I had to look that up).

Bledsoe may hate it there, but at least it’s a dry hate.

I just asked my two year old son where I should go. He said “Hi!”

I remember the time I showed up my co-worker by doing a dance after I successfully printed a document 2-up. He responded by drilling me in the ribs with a stapler for disrespecting the sanctity of the copier.

See. I never knew until they got this fabulous sponsorship! It’s already paying dividends!

This is great. I’m always searching for things to do in Vegas. Minor league baseball will bring a little energy to the city.

Please tell me Papa remarried so the family could have Hot Shot Part Deux.

My Dad always bitched about those made-up names and said any grandkids could call him “sir.”

My cocktails never last long enough to get warm.

my Dad is a great guy and a great Pap

I (ir?)rationally hate those stickers.

Have you seen the car window stickers that have “13.1" and even “5k”? Ridiculous stuff.

He could probably do it drunk too. But then, I honestly think drunk endurance is a thing. I work at a brewery, and if I have a couple beers before I ride my bike home, I swear the only thing keeping me on the ground is the fact I don’t have wings attached. Of course once I stop I just want to puke.

Oh, you don’t have the $400 TB12 water bottle with extra electrolytes built right into the mouthpiece? Guess you don’t care about skin cancer.

We know. We just chose to not mention it to you.

Even worse is when your child leaves the Camelbak bottle like the one in the illustration with juice or milk in it, because wifey-poo can’t handle the fact that 3-y/o is not getting exactly what he is demanding (hey, guess why he is demanding it?! You caved, he wins, he forces the issue from then on) and he leaves it…

Totally reasonable response. I usually just throw them right in the recycling just to have my wife yell at me for throwing them out. So, back into the cabinets they go to not be used for another 6 months.

Sounds like your kids are going to have some pretty bad sunburns.