I smushed a banana in my bag on the train in India, & was the target of a Department of Agriculture officer named Lieutenant Beagle at the Miami airport. Lieutenant Beagle was the cutest thing on 4 legs, & I was very happy to be detained by him multiple times before I left the airport (it was a slow night for illicit…

actually i have a right to the attention of every dog

Bi-racial (is that the correct term these days?) people come in all shades and hair colors. There are many blonde, fair skinned people with one black parent.

Ah yes, because in addition to guns being the answer to everything, most rapes do occur when a random stranger runs up to you and yells "i'm going to rape you" so you know to get the gun out.

If you were literally drowning in guns, they would tell you to buy another gun and shoot your way out.

"Okay, everybody, we need to burn down the reception hall to cement our love!"

Because I am mentally a child, when I read 'Up jumps da boogie', I imagined a giant booger hitting the dance floor and showing off its dance moves. The thought brought me some measure of amusement. :)

My theory is that the rule is actually there to deter LGBT students from attending or to encourage them to attend with opposite gender dates. Sure, they offered to let the two girls in together, but I'm guessing they knew that asking two friends to ditch the third meant that all three girls would leave.

There isn't a single high school dance memory I wouldn't trade for a tour of a chocolate factory

"One last night to pretend this is a fairy tale"

LADY MARY, IS THAT YOU?

I would totally frame that! It happened to my friend as well at her wedding. Not during a dance though. She had him by the hand and turned quickly. He followed, stepped on the train and ripped a giant hole in it. He looked mortified and apologized at least a million times. The bride, being a believer in 'the more bad…

No, the fetus died.

I proposed to my then girlfriend after we'd been dating a couple of months. She said 'no'. We broke up 18 years later.

"What? Do you think I'm pregnant or something?"

I came back from the doctor and said I probably couldn't get pregnant without a lot of help - help I've decided I didn't want. He hugged me, said it was OK, and asked me to marry him. Right there, in the hallway, with a litter box not 2 feet away. I said no.

I'm just telling you what your words are saying. And by the way, you may want to be a little more careful with your use of hyperbole, because there's a whole lot of unintended irony bundled up in your use of the phrase "shrieking defensiveness".

Wait, you're comparing setting boundaries (albeit nastily) with narcissistic parents to committing a mass shooting? Why am I wondering if YOU have been accused of being a narcissist? Because this is the exact kind of hyperbole and tone policing crap they engage in.

Actually, your comments have been pretty shitty and your inadvertently revealing word choice (in which you suggest your chief concern is how things "look" and that this is a "matter of taste") helps make that clear.