Eastern European mail-order brides—and let’s not kid ourselves, that’s what Melania is for all intents and purposes—generally are very good at keeping up appearances and staying in loveless marriages to get what they want. I had a boss who got one and genuinely thought she loved him...until he discovered, after she’d…

While Kissinger may be a complete shitstain on humanity, the dude’s been in diplomacy for a long time. He can’t help but have learned a little something about plausible deniability, and that what’s not said often is much, much more important than what is.

Sometimes when I see ridiculous commercials, I try to imagine what that pitch meeting must have been like, and I feel like the phrase “protest is the new brunch” was uttered in this one.

Bill Maher refuses to let anyone from BLM on his show but invites MY because he supports ‘free speech’. Bill Maher has been racist and sexist forever but no one blinks an eye or really cares cause he’s a ‘liberal’ white man.

Trusted source from DC. No-one-knows. They’re in a complete stand still and have been told to stop work on anything not essential. Further, they’re not allowed to talk about it. The administration has completely ignored requests for clarification, have not returned calls or emails. This isn’t normal for new…

EVEN IVANKA’S FACE CHANGES!!!!!!!!

It’s really not that tough to figure out why, is it....?

You know who was my favorite speaker at the Women’s March? A man, one who used to annoy the hell out of me. Michael Moore. He kept it simple: he provided the number we call to voice concerns to our representatives. Then he told us: call every day. Put it in your schedule along with brushing your teeth and showing up…

While this certainly fits with the nationalist tone of our new administation, I just want to be “that guy” and point out that this exact same bill has been introduced to every new Congress for the last 20 years. We all need to be alert, but this may not be the harbinger of doom that it appears to be at first glance.

This is worrying, but before we panic too hard—this same bill has been introduced every year to congress for the past 20 years.

Your headlines are showering us in puns.

Seriously at this point how the fuck is this real life. It’s too much to absorb. Like my new reality has shifted too quickly and I can’t fucking handle it. If I had the money I seriously would just go and herd cows at this point. The world has gone fucking mad.

Jesus H. Christ, the 80s really are back.
Thanks to the person who pointed out that Khloe apparently works out while wearing L’eggs, as I thought her toes had been photoshopped out.

Somewhere between K- and -ardashian.

Whale semen. Preferably bowhead, but right will do in a pinch. No rorquals, though.

Will this protein world stuff make my thighs glow like that? Because that’s all I want in this world, really glowy thighs. Glowy ass would be cool too.

Um, where is this protein coming from?

Those are the most photoshopped pictures that have ever existed. They may as well be drawings.