Glad to see Jess Whedon is donating to Planned Parenthood.

They flew to motherfucking South Korea to witness the birth. Part of me believes we really need to bring back shame as a method of social control because FUCKING REALLY??

This American Life did a story about a guy who cloned his pet bull. While the bull had the same DNA and looked just like the original, the cloned bull ended up with a different personality completely. I’m not really in favor of cloning pets, particularly when there are plenty of homeless animals out there, but…

When our dogs die of a fatal brain tumor we pay a lot of money to create a genetically identical dog from the dead cells of the first dog.

At what point do you get to declare yourself an old, like what age?

Age 50.

For the record, I’m refusing to spend Christmas with Madonna as well.

Dorothy, MERRY CHRISTMAS! Your taste in hot chocolate is quite refined.

Yes, but she can, so she should if that’s what she wants.

I have a (now-married) friend who once dated a guy with an entire dresser where each of the drawers was made up as a teddy bear bed. And when she accidentally left one of the drawers open, he screamed “but the pterodactyls might get them!” They never went on another date.

Yeah why don’t more people hang out with their rapists to do their jobs? The nerve.

I’ve been divorced. I have also had a root canal, pap smear, uterine lining scrapping and a stroke. I don’t have any desire to watch a show on any of these subjects. Maybe that is just me.

Maybe smug is the secret ingredient that gives Mast Bro’s chocolate it's distinctive assy flavor.

And he calls himself

What an object of heated romantic interest in the real world.

There’s an old Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times”

This is not a natural hairline is it? If it is, sorry for the snark, but it just looks so unnatural.

I had a music teacher who was a nun when I was in high school. I’m not Catholic, but would go to her convent for lessons. She was incredibly smart and interesting and a wonderful teacher and we became friends. She also had a club foot, very thin hair (almost bald in places—thank God, literally, for the wimple) and…

I think if you had her address, this entire commentariat would send her some horseshit.

Who does that? WHO? AND WHY?