Ugh, whatever...

How in the hell are we going to have a Champagne blunt finale now?

Who, me?

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for Vodka.

Pssst...I mean you.

Me and Jezebel today.

In the file of "I could not make this kind of thing up"; after leaving Yogurtland last night I almost tripped on a Blue Moon beer bottle next to my car. And that's when I officially knew, it was all over.

HOW DARE YOU BE ENTIRELY REASONABLE THIS IS MARCH MADNESS!

I am now so confused about what side you're on.

Scratch that HOW IS IT WINNING?!?!

You'd think at this point.

How? HOWWWWWWW is it so close?

OK...I totally understand that IPA's aren't for everyone. But for me, an early life hater of beer, they were a revelation. It turns out it wasn't that I hated beer, I hated crappy beer.

It was seriously hard to find gifs for red wine that didn't make the team look super desperate and sad. It's hard to beat a delicious fizzy drink you can mix with something as optimistic as orange juice. Red wine mixes with sadness way too well.

Look, I [expletive] love champagne. But good red wine does...things to me. In this way, I offer a gif counterbalance! COUNTERBALANCE ON!

Intense TMI to follow: Taking 3 or more Advil can lessen the amount of blood flow during your period. When I had an IUD it was like that scene in the Shining until I learned this. To that end- Advil is a GOD.