Loving how judgy you are that you feel the need to clarify “No, no, I’m the SICK kind of diabetic person, not the FAT, LAZY kind of diabetic person. God forbid.”

Same, when I was a kid we used to get Chinese food every Friday and one week a major snowstorm fell on the day, like feet, not even inches, and it was still coming down hard. Three sons screaming they want their Chinese food for about 15 minutes was all it took, she folded like a house of cards. She called Jade…

Thanks for the family wishes, but in all fairness you don’t need to apologize for that. There was no way you could know, it deserved explanation, and I am not looking for empathy. It would be unfair of me to use that as some emotional trump card. Your thoughts are welcome, but I was only trying to show how psychology…

There should be a special state law that says if you make a delivery guy deliver without tipping him in the middle of a storm, he should legally be able to throw you down the stairs. The higher up you live, the more steps he gets to use.

HAHAHAHA that’s always a great combo

In a deli my mom owned, my toddler nephew once accidentally whacked Ben Roethlisberger in the nuts when he asked him for a high five and being a 3-year-old he got too excited and swung really hard but missed and hit crotch. It was about 16-18 months after he was criminally cleared in the 2nd rape scandal, and you’d…

the Ben Carson “ I can say whatever I want about Barack Obama but you can’t ask me any questions about my beliefs or life” policy is extremely good and cool

Because... and don’t shoot me for this... but America LOVES a “redemption” story. It’s a country of mythology, really, where everyone wants to think of the “story” being told, and not the reality. Plus it plays into the weirdly-religious aspect of redemption, where they can claim to have “found God” through stuff like…

I had a similar experience. My husband and our son and I moved into an old townhouse in the Rittenhouse area of Philadelphia. Always seemed colder than it should be, weird smells, just uncomfortable vibe at times. One night, I wake up with a jolt and see something descending from the ceiling above our heads, coming…

I wonder if it was even your mom. I had a similar experience when I was in kindergarten and it’s never left my mind. My mom worked crazy shifts when I was little and we lived with my grandma, my dad and my sister. Sometimes my mom or grandma would get me up and ready for school depending on who was available.

This is so sad and makes me more terrified for the dead than for the living.

Here is a story that I have not shared before because honestly- it creeps me the fuck out. I don’t like thinking about it. I don’t like the things it implies about the nature of the universe we inhabit, and it fills me with existential dread. It also happens to involve a friend’s suicide, so it’s not the easiest thing…

I thought I would share a story of my dad’s. Our family has many stories where none of us can quite explain it, to non skeptics we believe we are definitely clairvoyant to some degree. My parents tell me stories from when I was younger, I’m not as in tuned to it as they are but this story of my dads is from his days…

Seriously. A few months back, some friends and I had a waitress who wasn’t doing a very good job that night. She was clearly distracted, screwed up a couple of our orders, and forgot to come back to refill our drinks. She also looked like she’d been crying recently and was liable to start crying again at any moment.…

Attention all news outlets:

Jez. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

FOR REAL. In my experience, anyone who knows the owner is especially nice to the staff (even when the owner was a jerk). For example, the father of one of my closest friends in high school owned a couple delis, and later, a bar. I think her dad was even willing to just let her get food and put it on a tab, but she…

Christine Ouzounian sounds like the human equivalent of Amazon feedback emails; you buy a three -pack of tube socks and you get sixteen follow ups on them. How was the packaging? How did you like them? how many stars would you give them? Would you write a review of them?

I’m still of the opinion that the asker pays. I’ve paid for dates before if I’ve asked. If I’ve been asked, I’ve tried to at least pick up date two if there is one if they won’t be okay with going dutch. I think the belief is that the person who asks is in charge of the budget vs. the person who is being asked. So…

I got her back! Also, here's a bonus photo of her being EXTRA fucking gorgeous. Whenever someone is like "you sued a crazy drug dealer for your cat? Why?" I show them this photo. Could you say no to this face? I think not.