The thing with cultural exports is, to cite William Goldman, No One Knows Nothing.

Does the collector's edition come with a bottle of Bennies and a liter of Jack Daniels?

This is what happens when you deprive a civilization of briefs, so that these urges are fully sated by high school, when wedgies have finally lost their appeal.

I was starting to find Professor Goldberg's cynicism disturbing, until I saw that he added the proviso that aspiring crackpots would rate a one-time pass past his spam filters if they included designs written by sentient robots powered by perpetual motion generators sent from the future.

If it happened in the Land of Optimism that you all call California, we'd take all that nasty snow and sculpt a giant King Kong from it, opposite the Empire State Building. Glaring at it with simmering, simian rage. It would be beautiful. An inspiration. For the AGES!

@athodyd: Brilliant.

@Helba: Hubris is Humorous.: Imagine that woman's idealized male form included a bulging crotch the size of two tennis balls and a jumbo-sized cucumber crammed down there*. Crammed down there bare, then a thin layer of shiny Lycra stretched over it.

@BigManMalone: Big breasts are gross. Especially the kind that look artificially inflated. That's reality.

I demand a growth bar for the male groin region, damnit!

@Romple: They've got no reason to live.

Fool me once, Pluto, fool me once.

@XIGODMODEIX: In San Francisco, it's also Groin Smack Chicken. So yeah, we're cognizant of the other meaning, too. Quite the laff riot (well, for 14-year-old boys' funny bones) when misunderstandings arose after the fact.

We'd play a similar game in middle/high school called Ro Sham Bo. Although instead of punching in the arm, it'd involve striking more – err – sensitive areas. With larger groups of kids crowding in to gawk.

I'm holding out until Civ V enables Canada's "Bieber" as their devastating weapon of mass destruction.

If only we could fit geese into the barrel, the world's air forces would tremble!

@Nitesh: It quietly murmers, "Please... Kill me now... Kill me... now!"

If only my last romantic partner had the same minimal requirements... That b*tch!

An amazingly good article, exceedingly well-written. Bravo!

@Canon7D-Fanboy: Perhaps the problem with your sentence is the word, "simple".

Nothing to fear.