because Page Six clicked publish, and then i clicked publish

I would bail on brunch to help the Obamas for something as trifling as a phone ID, too. Malia is a national treasure!

You would never say this to a white woman.

Instead of being annoyed with the finale, I will just look at this picture of the happy couple that I actually care about.

“Go find someone to have a mediocre life with.”is the sentence I will use in all future breakups from now on.

she chose a ring over someone she could have had a real adult relationship with.

Y’all, this photo is so blurry that you can’t really see this woman/drag queen (I’m really not sure—it was dark and I really don’t want to be an asshole), but every part of her was sparkly, including the hair. She was also well over 6 feet tall. I just wish she had better taste in dinner partners...

I mean, the most homophobic people are usually the ones with the most suppressed homo-erotic desires. Not saying that’s what was happening here, but at the same time, makes sense.

Can you boycott a product you already don’t buy?

They’ll get none of my money either!

Don’t worry everyone… I got this.

Wait until Noel Fielding gets in there, then you’ll see horrified.

I thought you were calling Mya messy and I was like

she. dressed. up. as. diane! lane!!! hahahahahahaha

I used to think length mattered.

When people complain that the Kardashians are famous for no reason, I think, what about Ryan Seacrest? He is famous for no reason, too. At least the Kardashians have some skin in the game.

I’m reentering the workforce after 4 long years of compulsory unemployment, so right now I’m organizing my home office and gathering the equipment and supplies I’ll need. I bought a desk today! I’m anxious but also excited, if it makes sense.

Start reading io9, they all quit.

...You mean, like, “She’s great, but she doesn’t give me a boner”? What does that have to do with anything???

The windows weren’t too dark to see a black lady driving a nice car.