Welcome to America in 2019, where Arians claim to be helping a Gay but really just want to set them further back.

I can’t believe the Patriots went to all this trouble to beat the Dolphins.

I’m not out there to twist nobody’s ankle

Disclaimer: My brother sent me this. I did not make it myself 

It’s insane to me that in the year of our Lord 2019 we’re still having “Cam Newton is selfish” conversations. The guy has had no offensive line, no noteworthy receivers, and a platoon of overrated running backs basically ever since he came in the league, and has muscled them to numerous playoff berths and a Super Bowl.

Cam Newton is playing injured and probably has been playing injured for the last 3 or so years. He continued to play, because the Panther’s only other option at that point was...*check notes*...A literal robot who was programmed to throw turnovers and make racial slurs. He didn’t play because he was selfish, he played…

That’s OK. It happens to a lot of bull semen factories. 

God, I’m sorry. I just re-read the article and it turns out a lack of commitment to the game was NOT, in fact, Vazquez’s real problem. Apparently, it was pedophilia. We’ll work hard to avoid mistakes like this in the future.

the 90-yarder is the best because Williams had the safety lined up per usual 20 yards back and Odell still ran by him like the safety was Gregg and Odell was a head coaching job

Fucking hell, man, the man’s brain being mush is an important fucking issue. It’s not “free ammo” for Trump. It’s incredibly germane to the question of whether he should be the nominee and/or the president. It’s a much bigger difference between him and the candidates with working brains than their healthcare proposals…

The idea that shit-talking a candidate during a primary harms them in the general was probably never very true, and most assuredly isn’t true at all now. The overwhelming majority of people in this country know who they will vote for next November based solely on the letter by their name. Modern American elections are…

Y'know, I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turns out I was just really bored.

For paying an extra $5 of allowance money, I let my kids choose their seats in the van (third row only, 28" seat pitch). And if they got a good progress report, I’ll even let them bring an extra carryon bag with guaranteed space (on the roof rack, that is).

What? It’s been A MONTH

It’s been like this ever since he started drinking that brain and nerve tonic that Artie Burns gave him.

“That guy, the one who’s huge and totally ripped and considered a great athlete by NBA standards, that’s the dude I’m gonna pick a fight with!”

“Despite having no experience working on BMWs”

reporters report the facts of a story.

She always knew a big cock would be the end of her.