My father in law has made comments like this to us concerning our running regimen. He's also well over 300 pounds.

My favourite remains:

I was always hoping the nickname "Kirbert" would take off for Pattinson and Stewart, but I guess that boat has sailed.

I definitely find Jennifer Aniston and Katherine Heigl to be the worst offenders. They pretty much single handedly killed the genre. Followed by Renee Zellweger and even Jennifer Lopez to a certain extent.

"Leaf Ramtruck"

My breasts had the nerve to come in howling drunk at 3am this morning. I tried taking their lingerie privileges away but they sassed me and said "I'll freebreast it, whatevs" like it was no big deal. I'm looking into breastbootcamps as punishment, now.

My boobs aren't wasteful, but my ass certainly is. Selfish ass, don't you care about the environment?

Damn it, my breasts are always prank calling the cops.

Yesterday my breasts were idling a car in the parking lot for no reason, they weren't even going anywhere. It's like they don't even care.

Zero two dozen here.

Act I.