Yesterday was my final time watching it, when they confirmed to me that Sarah Palin co-hosting wasn't a bad April Fool's joke.

Nnnnnnnoooooooooo! People need to accept that mommy and daddy aren't getting back together.

Does the fact that the press has dug up Aniston's half brother mean that they're finally bored with her divorce that happened a hundred years ago? Because that would be nice.

This is the third article I've read this morning that has put no responsibility on his girlfriend, or any of his girlfriends for that matter.

"He will always love and cherish her," a source tells Us of the Maroon 5 singer and The Voice judge.

I'm sorry, Ann. I don't care how romantic and loving your stupid husband is.

At some point our entire undercarriage became our vagina. I blame Oprah.

So Kate Upton won't come to my house and sex it up unless I have Direct TV? Look, I'm already here. I don't think my house could handle any more bikini model sexiness.

I plan on spending the rest of the day doing Parkour around the house and playing air guitar. Just so my husband knows how X-treme I am. If my grandmother were still alive she'd be aghast at how physically active I am. I should consider myself quite the black sheep!

10 miles per WEEK? Then I'm screwed. My daily ride is 14 miles. I guess that makes me Mountain Dew level of "hard core." What's above hard core? X-treme?

Oh! My comment in Nolan's lottery article just showed up. Happy day!!

All my comments on Gawker remain red and unapproved. So I guess I'll hang out here. I AM IN YOU, JEZEBEL.

What do you mean you can't go back? Just rewrite history.

Yay! I don't know why this makes me so happy, but it does.

I already did this through Gawker, and it ganked my account. Now I'm starting over, waiting for approval again. Will this comment be approved? I don't know. But I do know that nothing I posted on Gawker yesterday got approval. So thanks.

Huh.