This is what happens when the only vegetable you get is “Corn from a Jar”

Next, you’ll want a statue of George Washington.

It has to be so freeing, to give so few fucks like he does. I mean, I don’t give a lot of fucks, but the amount he gives has to be approaching if not actually zero. If you could measure the amount of fucks Marshawn gives in atomic movement, it would be the lowest temperature ever recorded in the universe.

Is the right take here that Phoenix should have signed Colin Kaepernick or that Cleveland should have signed Colin Kaepernick?

Well I’ve never talked to LeBron and you don’t see people making a big deal out of that.

Perhaps if more people had said it earlier we wouldn’t have a fucking lunatic in charge of our nuclear launch codes.

Maybe because the world is a little bit more important than creating safe spaces for Trump-fucking snowflakes to relive the glory years they never had. Fuck off and die.

Parr is a long-time contributor to ESPN 850 Cleveland who gave an eyewitness account of Braylon Edwards’ 2009 fight with a friend of LeBron James, claimed ex-boyfriend Brandon McDonald (then with the Browns, now in the CFL) assaulted her in 2010, and was convicted of felonious assault and domestic violence against…

You had me at “Roger Goodell” and “open letter.” Only self-important assholes write open letters. But since he’s going through the trouble, why didn’t he just go ahead and give his take on the Gorsuch nomination, the Best Damn Health Care Show Period, the Muslim and Laptop Ban, and then deny that the league is…

You hate fire ants when they’re on anybody else’s team, but you love them when they’re on your side.

LET’S REMEMBER SOME TRADES!

When will the IPA fad go away (or at least slow down a little)? I hate having half of the tap options at a bar being hogged by hop-bombs.

So, Scott Pruitt. Should we all just commit suicide now or wait for lead poisoning to do it?

“figure out what it is you need to do and do it, and do it right, and get it done, and get your situation right”

And the middle class assholes! Not rich enough to be showy, not poor enough to complain. Just...ennui.

For some reason I read that headline as “Darren Rovell” and was ridiculously excited to learn which Brands™ finally beat the shit out of him.

Journalists, you’ve gotta run this fight like a boxing match now. Drumpf might be the favorite, the headliner, the one with the long reach, but you need to just keep punching, staying on your feet, antagonizing and annoying him. The dumb palooka that he is, he’s eventually going to let his emotions take over, start…

Phillies clap back

“The year before that they was wearing trash bags”

I’ll drop $100 on Gary from Gzanski’s - his Lube Job/Pork Italian with Capicola combo is the BEST....