THANK YOU that shit has been bothering me SO MUCH. “Stand for American Values, like me and this woman I most likely cheated on my wife with before we got divorced.”

The first evangelical Christian elected President: Carter. He was and is a faithful churchgoer and Sunday School teacher.

Hey, Don, Jr. Seems your mom wasn’t an American citizen when you were born. Same goes for your sister Ivanka and your brother Eric. Since your dad is so determined to do away with the 14th Amendment, perhaps you and your siblings should just leave the USA now so we don’t have to spend the money to deport you.

Nothing says Republican family values like a man and the woman he left his wife and 5 children for.

“Declined to file rape charges” implies they had a choice.  I don’t understand why they had a choice.  

Nice job capturing the signature Trump butthole mouth in that top picture, Ashley.

My first thought was - I wonder if they’re worried she was going to sue bc the road was improperly closed, and this is their way of forestalling and delegitimizing her.

In order to satisfy involuntary manslaughter, all of the following must be true:

What is the point of charging her? It seems like a waste of county resources for no good reason and unnecessarily cruel to a grieving mother.She has to live with her baby’s loss. That seems like punishment enough.

Bojack Horseman, in all of its feminist glory, will get a sixth season.  

The Pistol Annies released their delightfully tacky video to I Got My Name Changed Back.

Oh yes! I get to express my extreme dislike for Hilaria Baldwin, who purports to be helping women by displaying scantily clad pictures of herself post baby. Why do women need to look like you post baby? Why is your ego so big? Why did Alec Baldwin unleash you on the world?

I love Bey’s Halloween tradition of paying tribute to black female music industry pioneers so, so much.

One alternative is to try to note which flowers she DOESN’T like. My wife doesn’t have strong flower preferences, but she let me know early on that she didn’t like roses. Easy to remember; I just tell the florist “a mixed bouquet in seasonal colors, no roses please” and i usually get something really great. (Roses are…

“Sports are just sports, they all look the same to me.” Doesn’t that sound dumb? 

It was a 50-50 home / office split and he got the days wrong. I think they arrived on a Friday and she wasn’t due back in until Tuesday. Fortunately there are science labs here, so we stuck them in a walk-in cooler and they were fine.

I have a former coworker who regularly (like, every day) posts mean shit about her current coworkers on Instagram. I always wonder how she makes sure none of them ever find out that she’s calls them stupid, by name, everyday.

And that’s how Drew ended up with a size medium Paula Abdul tshirt.

Better yet: Figure out what flowers your wife likes. Figure out how much you’re willing to spend. Skip the grocery store and go to an actual florist. Tell them you’d like a fresh bouquet in $X price range with some of your wife’s favorites. You will get something much, MUCH better (and fresher) than any pre-assembled…

If the door is open, the next guy can come in to the stall with his dick out, and since you are peeing standing up I assume your pants are around your ankles... this is how teen pregnancy happens.  read a book dude!