They're mine, nachos.

If anyone hasn’t read Erykah Badu: 25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me (I Own 726 Head Wraps!) from Us Weekly, I highly suggest you do. It gets better and better as you down the list. Also I think she’s lowballing that head wrap number.

I’m imagining the “love America or leave it” Cracker Barrel customer learning the restaurant is majority-owned by an Iranian-born man.

Starred for brutal, brutal honesty

Truthfully, no lives matter. We did nothing after Sandyhook. Kinda shows that we don’t care who dies, even little kids. Once you’re okay with that, the discussion ends.

well I’m shocked.

If Rosa Parks is travelling east on a bus at 30kph and Donald Trump has been thrown from a plane with no parachute at 11,000 meters two km from the center of town with winds out of the northwest at 8 knots, how many patently false things do Republican presidential candidates have to post to Twitter before we all kill…

My only issue with Picard is that he was never willing enough to use force even when it was warranted. Like dude your ship has thousands of children and civilians aboard, they're blowing your shit up, cut the chatter and show them some gunboat diplomacy

I’m still so young, so I’m just having fun.

NEWSBREAK: Having Anything You Want Not As Fulfilling When You’ve Never Had to Worry About Not Having Anything You Want, Says Person.

I regularly have a giant bowl of peas for dinner, does this mean Josh Groban and I can be friends?

Hmm... when someone beats me to an obvious joke, I edit mine out. But we posted at the same minute. What to do, what to do... degrey and cool Obama pic? Degrey and cool Obama pic.

Thanks, Obama. No. Seriously.

MILLIHELEN!!!! Why is the universe so cruel?

Kids, let this be a lesson to you. Never get a tattoo related to an SO in any way. It’s a curse, I tell you!

I have a weird self-image in which I think I am waaaay more attractive than I actually am. So, like, in my head, I am walking around being just the sexiest, and then I'll see an actual photo of myself and be jerked back to reality. I mean, I still like the way I look, but I wonder, "Where is the vibrancy that I feel…

If I look too long at some pictures all my features get out of context and I am like, what the fuck do I even look like?