*drools

What...what is happening America? What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it America, you’re freaking me out!

Damn, Canada, you sexy.

But it looks young! And has a vacant look around the eyes! Eh, I’m just a sucker for all Game of Thrones related content.

Ah yes, the ol’ “fat and happy” syndrome. You are young and cute, you meet someone, fall in love, move in together and decide that no I don’t want to cook I want PIZZA! Do you want pizza? You do? We’re perfect for each other! YAY! I gained 1o lbs in the year between engagement and wedding, and another 15 post wedding.…

No I love it! It’s adorable!

Ugh, that sucks. SO I guess you’ve got...um...uh...Lake Erie? Yeah, no you’ve got nothing, sorry :(

At least you’re close to Cedar Point?

Ugh, Slade. Ugggggggggh.

I love this. I hope she does a huge book tour and late night talk show circuit and tells a million crazy stories like these. Seriously, I want her and Nicole Kidman to yell from the rooftops that Scientology is fucking crazy.

Note to self: never live in a cabin, never move into an apartment without doing a background check on history of past evil, current ghosts and creepy ass landlords.

SHOE-SPICIOUS

I am eating bacon right now.

BEHOLD:

FUSTINI’S is my jam http://www.fustinis.com/store/products…

My neighbor went deep sea fishing and brought us back some kick ass tuna. I made a sauce from ginger honey vinegar, blood orange olive oil and soy sauce. Lightly pan fried on each side, pink in the middle. I am not someone that would consider themselves a good cook. I am decent.

WOULD, EH.

I’m looking forward to hearing about Chrissy Teigen’s insane pregnancy cravings. Is that weird?